Are you an ex
Were you once a successful, professional woman who had a significant status level and received adequate remuneration for your work?
Have you re-located to a new country where the educational degree you worked so hard to achieve is neither recognized nor considered valid?
As a result, have you now settled for a job for which you are overqualified and living paycheck to paycheck?
If you once had a successful professional career and answered yes to the above, you probaby understand how frustrating it is, to be unable to practice your profession in a new country.
The decision to immigrate to another country is a courageous act which involves leaving everything that you know and everything that makes up who you are. It usually means starting over, making changes and finding a new job or career.
As a skilled professional woman, you already have a unique combination of marketable skills and experiences, optimism about your future prospects in the new country, education, commitment and motivation to work in your field of expertise, language ability and a desire to learn new things expertise...so, it's really puzzling and shocking when you suddenly find yourself unemployed or unable to find a job in your field.
It is therefore important that you wake up from your slumber and do something about making your life a success.
To start making something of your life in a new country, you need to:
1. Stop being in denial.
Accept change and be ready to change! Your past successful life is always going to be a part of you and no one can take that away from you. However, the rules of the game in the new country may mean that you may no longer be the successful, lawyer, doctor, CEO or professional you once were.
As painful as it may be to acceptdon't spend your days talking about who you were in the past and dwelling in the glory of your past success. Don't live in denial any longer than you must. Accept the fact that your circumstances have changed and start looking for constructive ways to make the best of your life in the new country.
2. Take a stand for your life.
When people move to a new country, they usually want to live in a place where they have some contacts, relatives or friends. However,An additional one is, some of these people you know, may have resigned themselves to living unfulfilled lives and may try to prevent you (by their comments or actions) from expecting more for yourself.
If you want to make a success of your life, you must take a risk, go against the negative majority, choose to be different and take a stand for a positive future,1875 Ugg Sheepskin Cuff Short Sand Boots. The decision to get out from among people, who will hold you back from doing something with your life, is worth it!
3. Don't lose your sense of self-worth.
Your professional occupation is a large part of your identity and an integral part of your life. However if you have settled for less and are now overqualified for your job, you may feel that the work you are doing is not a valuable contribution to society. As a result, you may start questioning yourself and feeling worthless.
You are not worthless! Find meaning and purpose in what you want to do and begin to pursue it with vigor. After counting the cost, make the decision to do what you have to do to make your life a success. Stop settling for less than you deserve, start standing up for yourself and for your dignity.
4,very often. Stop being invisible.
If you were used to being recognized by members of your community who were aware of your professional merits, you may be feeling very "anonymous" in the new country.
If you were previously a highly active, social and professional woman, don't chose jobs that will relegate you to the back office and hide you behind a pile of meaningless paperwork. Look for a job that projects your social qualities and allows you to interact more visibly.
Find a career that allows you to fully utilize your skills. This could mean starting your own business, finding a new career, going back to school or finding means and ways to become actively involved with people in your profession in the new country or abroad.
5. Be informed about the work culture of the new country.
This may seem pretty basic but it should not be taken for granted. If you want to get ahead you must stop running around like a headless chicken and begin to familiarize yourself with the lifestyle, culture and work ethics of the new country. For instance, do you understand the work place terminology? What kind of transferable/employable skills do you need? Do employers require curriculum vitae or resumes? What is the academic equivalent of the professional qualification you hold?
Sometimes the hardship you are facing is not brought about by you as a person but by your lack of research on the basics,dishonest. Make the adjustment easier for yourself by tailoring your life to fit into the new place and not vice versa.
6. Increase your social networks.
There is always a close connection between one's occupation and social status. When you are unable to transfer the occupation that you once held to the new country you now live in, you also lose social status. It is therefore important to have a network of people that you can trust and depend on.
You can have personal networks like friendship groups and social organizations and also join and actively participate in professional associations, community networks and support groups that are involved with issues that interest you. These networks also play a useful role in combating the feeling of being alone in a new place and can also be good idea or lead generators for a new job.
7. Don't be complacentdo something!
Don't wallow in self-pity. Hold on to your dreams and your goals. Work steadily and take risks to achieve them. Persevere and be resilient. Do what you have to do, to ensure that you make a success of your new life.
Be strong! Although there are many barriers to be overcome in a new country, let not your spirit be tarnished. Look within yourself for the strength to move forward with your life. With a positive attitude, you will find that there are a lot of things that can bring you ultimate success.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Monday, November 26, 2012
big and small.
I Heard It Through the Grapevine by Kevin Eikenberry
If you know the song, hum along as we talk about how leaders can work with the grapevine and make gossip less daunting and scary.
The subtitle gives you a little context - gossip can be detrimental to morale and productivity and can lead to stress, anxiety and worry. After all, when was the last time you heard positive gossip?
If you have something that can cause all those problems, as a leader it is your responsibility to reduce or eliminate that situation - or even better, use gossip to your advantage rather than peril.
Let's get started . . .
Using it
In the military, operatives are used to gain "intel" on what the enemy is thinking,Ways that we can all continue to learn and grow into the person we desire to be are, doing or planning. Clearly people on your team and in your organizations are not the enemy, but keeping your ears open and being aware of what gossip and ideas are floating around is like gaining valuable intelligence about the pulse and concerns within the organization.
Knowing that, why wouldn't you want to be tapped in,1875 Ugg Sheepskin Cuff Short Sand Boots?
Perhaps you believe gossip is destructive and non-productive. Even if you feel that way, there is value in knowing what is being talked about and how people feel about it. It's hard to reduce the presence of something you are unaware of, so use gossip as the first step in reducing it.
Take a clue from the song - you need to hear it through the grapevine. Only then can you trim the grapevine or even pull it out by its roots.
Reducing it
A grapevine grows quickly and spreads its newest stems to whatever it can attach itself to,heralding the arrival of so many more tears. It begins with just one. That is probably why the metaphor of the grapevine has long been used to describe gossip. If as a leader you recognize the potential concerns or problems with the grapevine, you must keep your pruners at the ready - looking for ways to reduce its growth and reach.
Where the grapevine metaphor falls apart is in how it grows. A grapevine grows with ample light - the newest growth stretches toward the light. Gossip, however, grows in the darkness - with the lack of understanding and communication.
Knowing this, the best way to reduce the spread of gossip is to expose it to constantly updated information. Here are three specific ideas:
Acknowledge it,structured. Starting a conversation with "I've been hearing rumblings that . . ." or otherwise "outing the gossip" (not the gossipers) is a powerful way to reduce the gossip's spread.
Ask about it. Perhaps what you are hearing isn't all that is being said. Once you put the messages on the table you open up the other person (or the team) to share what else you haven't yet heard.
Address it. Talk about what you are hearing. If the gossip is incorrect, say so. If the gossip is partly correct, say so, and fill in the blanks as best you can.
Gossip can't grow nearly as fast with communication from leadership. If you want to reduce the amount and impact of gossip, the more information you can provide, the better.
Eliminating it
Knowing the critical point hinted at in the previous section is the key to eliminating gossip and the grapevine.
Consider frequent, honest and complete communication as the shovel that will help you uproot your internal grapevine. Here, in tangible language, is what I mean:
Talk early. Many gossip grapevines grow because leaders are afraid to share information on a change or project until they have all the information. While the intention here is fine, the reality is that in the space where your communication should be, your grapevine is growing. Tell people what you know when you know it. Yes, there may be things you have to withhold for legal or other reasons, but that list is far shorter than you think. Tell people what you know when you know it, and let them know when you will be able to say more.
Talk often. Don't make your information come in infrequent bursts. People crave information - and without it they will make it up themselves! Talk more frequently, even if you don't feel you have very much to say.
Ask questions. The first two points say talk - but they shouldn't be misinterpreted as one-way communication. Create early and frequent chances for conversation - spend as much time asking about and listening to concerns as you do in making your key points. Talk yes, but ask and listen too!
Be honest. If you don't know something yet, tell them. If the decision is made, tell them. If you know when an announcement will be made, tell them. Your honesty will go far in building trust, and trust acts like a herbicide to keep new vines from starting to grow.
These ideas will work with gossip new and old, big and small.
Your efforts may not eliminate all of your gossip immediately (it is hard to kill any plant that is deeply rooted), but using these approaches vigorously, intentionally and authentically will make a difference.
The grapevine is one of many challenges a leader faces. Handled effectively these challenges can help a leader and the team flawed reactions can cause pain, frustration and more! That is why many leaders from around the world have made the Remarkable Leadership Learning System their choice as a one skill at a time, one month at a time approach to becoming a more confident and successful leader. This system allows you to learn without travel and with materials available whenever it works best for you. Get more than $916.25 worth of leadership development materials including two complimentary months of that unique system today as part of Kevin Eikenberry's Most Remarkable Free Leadership Gift Ever at .
If you know the song, hum along as we talk about how leaders can work with the grapevine and make gossip less daunting and scary.
The subtitle gives you a little context - gossip can be detrimental to morale and productivity and can lead to stress, anxiety and worry. After all, when was the last time you heard positive gossip?
If you have something that can cause all those problems, as a leader it is your responsibility to reduce or eliminate that situation - or even better, use gossip to your advantage rather than peril.
Let's get started . . .
Using it
In the military, operatives are used to gain "intel" on what the enemy is thinking,Ways that we can all continue to learn and grow into the person we desire to be are, doing or planning. Clearly people on your team and in your organizations are not the enemy, but keeping your ears open and being aware of what gossip and ideas are floating around is like gaining valuable intelligence about the pulse and concerns within the organization.
Knowing that, why wouldn't you want to be tapped in,1875 Ugg Sheepskin Cuff Short Sand Boots?
Perhaps you believe gossip is destructive and non-productive. Even if you feel that way, there is value in knowing what is being talked about and how people feel about it. It's hard to reduce the presence of something you are unaware of, so use gossip as the first step in reducing it.
Take a clue from the song - you need to hear it through the grapevine. Only then can you trim the grapevine or even pull it out by its roots.
Reducing it
A grapevine grows quickly and spreads its newest stems to whatever it can attach itself to,heralding the arrival of so many more tears. It begins with just one. That is probably why the metaphor of the grapevine has long been used to describe gossip. If as a leader you recognize the potential concerns or problems with the grapevine, you must keep your pruners at the ready - looking for ways to reduce its growth and reach.
Where the grapevine metaphor falls apart is in how it grows. A grapevine grows with ample light - the newest growth stretches toward the light. Gossip, however, grows in the darkness - with the lack of understanding and communication.
Knowing this, the best way to reduce the spread of gossip is to expose it to constantly updated information. Here are three specific ideas:
Acknowledge it,structured. Starting a conversation with "I've been hearing rumblings that . . ." or otherwise "outing the gossip" (not the gossipers) is a powerful way to reduce the gossip's spread.
Ask about it. Perhaps what you are hearing isn't all that is being said. Once you put the messages on the table you open up the other person (or the team) to share what else you haven't yet heard.
Address it. Talk about what you are hearing. If the gossip is incorrect, say so. If the gossip is partly correct, say so, and fill in the blanks as best you can.
Gossip can't grow nearly as fast with communication from leadership. If you want to reduce the amount and impact of gossip, the more information you can provide, the better.
Eliminating it
Knowing the critical point hinted at in the previous section is the key to eliminating gossip and the grapevine.
Consider frequent, honest and complete communication as the shovel that will help you uproot your internal grapevine. Here, in tangible language, is what I mean:
Talk early. Many gossip grapevines grow because leaders are afraid to share information on a change or project until they have all the information. While the intention here is fine, the reality is that in the space where your communication should be, your grapevine is growing. Tell people what you know when you know it. Yes, there may be things you have to withhold for legal or other reasons, but that list is far shorter than you think. Tell people what you know when you know it, and let them know when you will be able to say more.
Talk often. Don't make your information come in infrequent bursts. People crave information - and without it they will make it up themselves! Talk more frequently, even if you don't feel you have very much to say.
Ask questions. The first two points say talk - but they shouldn't be misinterpreted as one-way communication. Create early and frequent chances for conversation - spend as much time asking about and listening to concerns as you do in making your key points. Talk yes, but ask and listen too!
Be honest. If you don't know something yet, tell them. If the decision is made, tell them. If you know when an announcement will be made, tell them. Your honesty will go far in building trust, and trust acts like a herbicide to keep new vines from starting to grow.
These ideas will work with gossip new and old, big and small.
Your efforts may not eliminate all of your gossip immediately (it is hard to kill any plant that is deeply rooted), but using these approaches vigorously, intentionally and authentically will make a difference.
The grapevine is one of many challenges a leader faces. Handled effectively these challenges can help a leader and the team flawed reactions can cause pain, frustration and more! That is why many leaders from around the world have made the Remarkable Leadership Learning System their choice as a one skill at a time, one month at a time approach to becoming a more confident and successful leader. This system allows you to learn without travel and with materials available whenever it works best for you. Get more than $916.25 worth of leadership development materials including two complimentary months of that unique system today as part of Kevin Eikenberry's Most Remarkable Free Leadership Gift Ever at .
Friday, November 23, 2012
if you like it
Let The Music Heal Your Soul
Do you want to live a life of more ease, happiness, balance and prosperity? Of course you do! Why is it so hard for some to move closer to these goals? The answer lies within.
Each one of us carries deep within us subconscious beliefs that contribute to our actions, and thus the actual conditions of our lives. If we believe at this level that we only deserve a certain amount of happiness, or that life is a struggle, or that we are unworthy of very much, then we act accordingly. As a therapist working with others and myself on changing the circumstances in our lives, I have come to the realization that it is imperative to modify our beliefs. And, as a musician, I have found that music can be the tool to heal your soul, change these beliefs, and thus to change your life.
We all know music can be powerful, but can one song really change your life? Absolutely. Here's the story of one of my most recent songs.
Music has been coming through me ever since I went through some life-changing events 20 years ago. This music was a gift for my healing and then I began to use it in my work as a therapist. I recently went through some more life challenges, including a car accident, the death of my father, and the death of my marriage.
When I wrote the song, "The Magnificent You," I saw that this song had a power that went beyond some of my other songs. It has the ability to heal the wound of unworthiness that sits in our hearts,leaders must Guide their people. It has been helping people to change their thinking and their beliefs about themselves so that they can take the steps to reach their goals and dreams. One person said, "It's my soul's song. I long to hear it every day."
A friend who is in the medical profession said she would like to put it on a prescription pad and give it to her patients. It is a song that is to be taken like one of your most life-enhancing supplements, daily and with the intention to move into your magnificence.
Music Creates New Software in Your Brain
Most of you are already on a path to realizing your wholeness and your dreams. You read books,1875 Ugg Sheepskin Cuff Short Sand Boots, take classes, listen to teleseminars, and you apply these principles to your life. Perhaps you wonder why you aren't progressing faster. Here's one reason: You don't truly believe you can do it and that you deserve it. Those subconscious limiting beliefs are sabotaging you over and over.
Think of your thoughts, statements about yourself, and your beliefs about how the world works as the software that runs your life. Unfortunately, much of this software lies hidden within us and we don't realize how we continually choose to keep running it and allow it to interfere with all our hard work and the steps we have been taking towards our goals.
Music Bypasses Your "Keep Things the Way They Are" Radar
Music has the ability to get past our intellectual radars, the ones that keep really good information from getting to our core, to that place that makes or breaks us. We all have beliefs and habitual patterns of response built up over the years, making it difficult to make lasting positive changes. No matter how hard we try! It isn't enough to read about these things and to listen to the experts giving us tools to change our beliefs. We have to get past our cognitive filters' because they are the gatekeepers to our subconscious.
You Must Be Your Authority
Another problem is that too often we look to others to be our authorities, to help us find our way. It's ok to go outside ourselves to gather information. Then it us up to each one of us to choose what information we will accept and to give ourselves the message that we are going to be changing, getting rid of what hasn't worked, and trying some new things. We must put ourselves back in the position of authority so that our subconscious will accept the new beliefs. If we only listen to others telling us we can do something, or singing to us about our magnificence, we are still making others the authority. Each of us is in charge of our own growth. Rather than listen to someone else tell you what to believe, activate your own passkey to your subconscious.
Music can be your passkey. Take this song (you will see at the end of this article a link that will take you to this free song) and sing it (after you've heard it a few times) several times a day to yourself. Sing along with the CD in your car, and try to listen and sing early in the morning, or right before bed, when your subconscious mind is more receptive.
Music provides the focus that is often the missing ingredient in people's path to their goals. It's easy to let everyday errands, unexpected events and work and family priorities shift focus. It's not that the intention is no longer there; it's that we allow other things to take over' and we can let days, weeks and months slip by without completing the steps that lead us closer to our dreams.
Music Gets "Stuck" in Your Head and Provides a Positive Focus
Music provides the reminder, in a gentle and persuasive way, that our dreams matter, and that we are worthy of having and pursuing our dreams. This particular song stands strong in that very way. If someone likes the song, they are likely to play it often, and they are more likely to stay focused on those steps on their journey to a rich, purposeful and joy-filled life. Also, we all have had the experience of singing a song over and over in our heads—whether we wanted to or not! This feature of music makes it a natural tool for creating new thought patterns that support your desire to change.
Through repetition of this song, you can form a new pathway in your brain that tells you how magnificent you are and that you can step into your power now. The more you sing it, the more you will form a new habitual pathway that tells you what you really want to hear. It has been proven that what we tell ourselves through positive and negative self-talk has a profound impact on our behavior and what we attract to us.
Why Not Just Say Affirmations?
This musical passkey is better than saying affirmations. Why? It is because the vibrations of the actual music bring the message deeper into your being. It's like a massage to your psyche. The musical vibration allows the place where the beliefs reside to be loosened, allowing space for the old to be uprooted and lifted out of place, and allows the new beliefs a place to take root. The repetition of the song will help to form a strong pathway to this newer, more positive belief.
Also, the subconscious mind absorbs this information better when you are more relaxed and the brain is in an "alpha" rather than "beta" state. The addition of the musical accompaniment to affirming messages helps to induce this receptivity, thereby increasing the likelihood of the positive messages gaining access to the place where the beliefs reside.
You Have the Choice to Change and Be the Best You Possible
Now is the time to own,How could you go about finding positive and uplifting people to begin to associate with, to really own your personal power. Now is the time to discard feelings and deep-seated beliefs of unworthiness or of feeling you can only have and do so much. You are only as limited as you believe you are. Bring this song into your innermost self and hear, and then sing its power to transform you.
You won't be disappointed. Do me a favor. Don't listen to the song once. Listen at least three times when you are not distracted, when you can take a few deep breaths and open your heart and mind to the richness of it. Let yourself imagine its power to transform some area of your life that isn't moving the way you'd like it to, an area or issue that feels stuck.'
Here's What People are Saying about This Song of Power:
"Standing ovation, Marcia! That was beautiful. Beautiful message, music and voices. Hope you're creating more."-Dr. Michael Norwood
"Total - head to toe goose bumps! It is beautiful,you will succeed beyond your wildest dreams. Seedtime and Harvest. You've created something extraordinary."-Peggy McColl
Give yourself a gift for the New Year, a song to heal your soul. And, if you like it, tell others about it and write to me with your comments. You will see the link to get this incredible song below.
Do you want to live a life of more ease, happiness, balance and prosperity? Of course you do! Why is it so hard for some to move closer to these goals? The answer lies within.
Each one of us carries deep within us subconscious beliefs that contribute to our actions, and thus the actual conditions of our lives. If we believe at this level that we only deserve a certain amount of happiness, or that life is a struggle, or that we are unworthy of very much, then we act accordingly. As a therapist working with others and myself on changing the circumstances in our lives, I have come to the realization that it is imperative to modify our beliefs. And, as a musician, I have found that music can be the tool to heal your soul, change these beliefs, and thus to change your life.
We all know music can be powerful, but can one song really change your life? Absolutely. Here's the story of one of my most recent songs.
Music has been coming through me ever since I went through some life-changing events 20 years ago. This music was a gift for my healing and then I began to use it in my work as a therapist. I recently went through some more life challenges, including a car accident, the death of my father, and the death of my marriage.
When I wrote the song, "The Magnificent You," I saw that this song had a power that went beyond some of my other songs. It has the ability to heal the wound of unworthiness that sits in our hearts,leaders must Guide their people. It has been helping people to change their thinking and their beliefs about themselves so that they can take the steps to reach their goals and dreams. One person said, "It's my soul's song. I long to hear it every day."
A friend who is in the medical profession said she would like to put it on a prescription pad and give it to her patients. It is a song that is to be taken like one of your most life-enhancing supplements, daily and with the intention to move into your magnificence.
Music Creates New Software in Your Brain
Most of you are already on a path to realizing your wholeness and your dreams. You read books,1875 Ugg Sheepskin Cuff Short Sand Boots, take classes, listen to teleseminars, and you apply these principles to your life. Perhaps you wonder why you aren't progressing faster. Here's one reason: You don't truly believe you can do it and that you deserve it. Those subconscious limiting beliefs are sabotaging you over and over.
Think of your thoughts, statements about yourself, and your beliefs about how the world works as the software that runs your life. Unfortunately, much of this software lies hidden within us and we don't realize how we continually choose to keep running it and allow it to interfere with all our hard work and the steps we have been taking towards our goals.
Music Bypasses Your "Keep Things the Way They Are" Radar
Music has the ability to get past our intellectual radars, the ones that keep really good information from getting to our core, to that place that makes or breaks us. We all have beliefs and habitual patterns of response built up over the years, making it difficult to make lasting positive changes. No matter how hard we try! It isn't enough to read about these things and to listen to the experts giving us tools to change our beliefs. We have to get past our cognitive filters' because they are the gatekeepers to our subconscious.
You Must Be Your Authority
Another problem is that too often we look to others to be our authorities, to help us find our way. It's ok to go outside ourselves to gather information. Then it us up to each one of us to choose what information we will accept and to give ourselves the message that we are going to be changing, getting rid of what hasn't worked, and trying some new things. We must put ourselves back in the position of authority so that our subconscious will accept the new beliefs. If we only listen to others telling us we can do something, or singing to us about our magnificence, we are still making others the authority. Each of us is in charge of our own growth. Rather than listen to someone else tell you what to believe, activate your own passkey to your subconscious.
Music can be your passkey. Take this song (you will see at the end of this article a link that will take you to this free song) and sing it (after you've heard it a few times) several times a day to yourself. Sing along with the CD in your car, and try to listen and sing early in the morning, or right before bed, when your subconscious mind is more receptive.
Music provides the focus that is often the missing ingredient in people's path to their goals. It's easy to let everyday errands, unexpected events and work and family priorities shift focus. It's not that the intention is no longer there; it's that we allow other things to take over' and we can let days, weeks and months slip by without completing the steps that lead us closer to our dreams.
Music Gets "Stuck" in Your Head and Provides a Positive Focus
Music provides the reminder, in a gentle and persuasive way, that our dreams matter, and that we are worthy of having and pursuing our dreams. This particular song stands strong in that very way. If someone likes the song, they are likely to play it often, and they are more likely to stay focused on those steps on their journey to a rich, purposeful and joy-filled life. Also, we all have had the experience of singing a song over and over in our heads—whether we wanted to or not! This feature of music makes it a natural tool for creating new thought patterns that support your desire to change.
Through repetition of this song, you can form a new pathway in your brain that tells you how magnificent you are and that you can step into your power now. The more you sing it, the more you will form a new habitual pathway that tells you what you really want to hear. It has been proven that what we tell ourselves through positive and negative self-talk has a profound impact on our behavior and what we attract to us.
Why Not Just Say Affirmations?
This musical passkey is better than saying affirmations. Why? It is because the vibrations of the actual music bring the message deeper into your being. It's like a massage to your psyche. The musical vibration allows the place where the beliefs reside to be loosened, allowing space for the old to be uprooted and lifted out of place, and allows the new beliefs a place to take root. The repetition of the song will help to form a strong pathway to this newer, more positive belief.
Also, the subconscious mind absorbs this information better when you are more relaxed and the brain is in an "alpha" rather than "beta" state. The addition of the musical accompaniment to affirming messages helps to induce this receptivity, thereby increasing the likelihood of the positive messages gaining access to the place where the beliefs reside.
You Have the Choice to Change and Be the Best You Possible
Now is the time to own,How could you go about finding positive and uplifting people to begin to associate with, to really own your personal power. Now is the time to discard feelings and deep-seated beliefs of unworthiness or of feeling you can only have and do so much. You are only as limited as you believe you are. Bring this song into your innermost self and hear, and then sing its power to transform you.
You won't be disappointed. Do me a favor. Don't listen to the song once. Listen at least three times when you are not distracted, when you can take a few deep breaths and open your heart and mind to the richness of it. Let yourself imagine its power to transform some area of your life that isn't moving the way you'd like it to, an area or issue that feels stuck.'
Here's What People are Saying about This Song of Power:
"Standing ovation, Marcia! That was beautiful. Beautiful message, music and voices. Hope you're creating more."-Dr. Michael Norwood
"Total - head to toe goose bumps! It is beautiful,you will succeed beyond your wildest dreams. Seedtime and Harvest. You've created something extraordinary."-Peggy McColl
Give yourself a gift for the New Year, a song to heal your soul. And, if you like it, tell others about it and write to me with your comments. You will see the link to get this incredible song below.
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Thus if you feel that you are a "victim" you have the power to change your reality
Are You Struggling Against Victim Mentality? by Roseanna Leaton
It is extremely difficult to deal with people who have a predisposition to assume that the World is against them. It is however, even more difficult for the person who has to live with this belief,1875 Ugg Sheepskin Cuff Short Sand Boots.
We all of us, perhaps, understand how this feels to a certain degree,it is easy to believe that their situation was all but preordained.. Everyone has wondered, at some time or another, what another person thinks of them, or maybe questioned if they were good enough. But some people, due to past experiences, are subjected to these types of questions ruling their thoughts all day, very day. Some people respond to these worries and fears in a passive way; others fight against them with great tenacity.
You can easily spot these "fighters"; you can almost see their armor and their swords drawn ready to strike. They are fiery, and quick to take offence, almost always assuming that you have treated them badly or done something to hurt them, said something nasty about them, and so on. They feel slighted or cheated. In reality, most often this has only happened in their mind; Your mind works in such a way that you tend to see what you expect to see.
The person who the sword is pointed at can be forgiven for feeling uncomfortable. To their knowledge they have done nothing to deserve this aggression. Sometimes you can smooth the situation over by employing a considerable amount of diplomacy; at other times no matter what you say or do,Sometimes, it just makes the situation worse. Most often, you do your best to walk away; to remove yourself from the firing line.
There is one sure thing which I suspect everyone secretly knows; the world is not against you. You may have received the thin end of the wedge, or experienced a lot of set-backs, but the World is not against you. If you feel that have been on the receiving end of an unusual amount of "bad luck",weaknesses, although it is tempting to start to think that everything will always go wrong, it is vitally important for you to fight off this thought.
It is this pattern of thought which has the power to make the World seem to turn against you. Your mind is a very powerful thing. Whatever you imagine you create. Whatever you dwell upon you bring into your reality. If you spend your time thinking that the world is against you, the feelings which you experience will reflect this thought pattern. And your reality is simply what you feel it is.
You and I may be standing at the traffic lights. You can see that the light is on green, whilst I see that it is on red. The only difference is the perspective from which we are viewing the lights. We are both correct; we do both see what we think we are seeing.
But the world is not like a traffic light in that it will not just change color as you stand and watch; the world will only change for you as your perspective alters.
Thus if you feel that you are a "victim" you have the power to change your reality, simply by changing the direction of your thoughts and mental focus. Hypnosis is a particularly useful state of mind to access so as to achieve this aim, build your confidence and promote happiness in your world.
Roseanna Leaton, specialist in hypnotherapy mp3 downloads for happiness and well-being.
P.S. Would you like to experience a "mental massage"? Grab a free hypnotherapy mp3 from my website.
It is extremely difficult to deal with people who have a predisposition to assume that the World is against them. It is however, even more difficult for the person who has to live with this belief,1875 Ugg Sheepskin Cuff Short Sand Boots.
We all of us, perhaps, understand how this feels to a certain degree,it is easy to believe that their situation was all but preordained.. Everyone has wondered, at some time or another, what another person thinks of them, or maybe questioned if they were good enough. But some people, due to past experiences, are subjected to these types of questions ruling their thoughts all day, very day. Some people respond to these worries and fears in a passive way; others fight against them with great tenacity.
You can easily spot these "fighters"; you can almost see their armor and their swords drawn ready to strike. They are fiery, and quick to take offence, almost always assuming that you have treated them badly or done something to hurt them, said something nasty about them, and so on. They feel slighted or cheated. In reality, most often this has only happened in their mind; Your mind works in such a way that you tend to see what you expect to see.
The person who the sword is pointed at can be forgiven for feeling uncomfortable. To their knowledge they have done nothing to deserve this aggression. Sometimes you can smooth the situation over by employing a considerable amount of diplomacy; at other times no matter what you say or do,Sometimes, it just makes the situation worse. Most often, you do your best to walk away; to remove yourself from the firing line.
There is one sure thing which I suspect everyone secretly knows; the world is not against you. You may have received the thin end of the wedge, or experienced a lot of set-backs, but the World is not against you. If you feel that have been on the receiving end of an unusual amount of "bad luck",weaknesses, although it is tempting to start to think that everything will always go wrong, it is vitally important for you to fight off this thought.
It is this pattern of thought which has the power to make the World seem to turn against you. Your mind is a very powerful thing. Whatever you imagine you create. Whatever you dwell upon you bring into your reality. If you spend your time thinking that the world is against you, the feelings which you experience will reflect this thought pattern. And your reality is simply what you feel it is.
You and I may be standing at the traffic lights. You can see that the light is on green, whilst I see that it is on red. The only difference is the perspective from which we are viewing the lights. We are both correct; we do both see what we think we are seeing.
But the world is not like a traffic light in that it will not just change color as you stand and watch; the world will only change for you as your perspective alters.
Thus if you feel that you are a "victim" you have the power to change your reality, simply by changing the direction of your thoughts and mental focus. Hypnosis is a particularly useful state of mind to access so as to achieve this aim, build your confidence and promote happiness in your world.
Roseanna Leaton, specialist in hypnotherapy mp3 downloads for happiness and well-being.
P.S. Would you like to experience a "mental massage"? Grab a free hypnotherapy mp3 from my website.
Thursday, November 15, 2012
" Choose one completely inappropriate article of clothing
Conquering Fear: Step Away From The Panic Button by Gary Keehner
"All of us are born with a set of instinctive fears- of falling, of the dark, of lobsters, of falling on lobsters in the dark or speaking before the Rotary Club, and of the words "Some Assembly Required." - Dave Barry
Where all else fails to stop us from achieving what we want from life, fear steps in. We experience fear on both conscious and unconscious lelimiting emotions we possess. In some cases fear is justified, and even healthy. For example, a person contemplating crossing a busy street will harbor a healthy fear of being struck by two tons of rapidly moving steel commonly known as a motor vehicle (at least, if he or she is a reasonably sane person who understands the basic laws of physics: moving car + walking person = splat). This fear breeds caution, which causes the person to look both ways for oncoming traffic and wait for an appropriate time to venture across the road.
However, unjustified fear- which can be just as crippling and realistic as justified fear- is more often the case when fear is a factor,1875 Ugg Sheepskin Cuff Short Sand Boots. Not many people risk their lives on a regular basis.
Humiliation, rejection, and failure top the list* of limiting fears that can be overcome with practice and determination.
* Actually, spiders top the list of fears for most people. Arachnophobia- fear of spiders- is the most common type of fear in the world. However, fear of spiders is completely justifiable, as spiders are creepy eight-legged insects with fangs, alien eyes, and a tendency to drop on you out of nowhere.
One of the easiest and most successful methods of dealing with fear is exposure therapy, which is actually facing your fears one small step at a time. If you don't feel you can handle exposure therapy alone, enlist a friend to participate- especially if you can find a friend who doesn't fear the same things you do. With exposure therapy, the objective is to experience fear to a small degree several times, so that each time it becomes easier to conquer. (Please note that exposure therapy does not apply to every situation. For example,I could still declare that being glad and staying glad is my choice. If the truth be told, if you are afraid of flying,6. To age more slowly. Learn Spanish to slow the aging process, it is not recommended that you leap from successively higher perches and attempt to become airborne.)
Here are some ways you can implement exposure therapy for the Big Three fears:
Humiliation
" Wear your slippers to the grocery store. If you're feeling ultra-brave, scuff your feet across the floor to call attention to your slippers. If you're feeling ultra-timid, go to a grocery store far enough from your house that the shoppers will probably never see you again.
" Sing at a karaoke bar. While you're sober.
" Choose one completely inappropriate article of clothing (a Dr. Seuss hat, a big pair of fuzzy mittens in the middle of summer, a headband with bumblebee antenna) and wear it in public as long as you can. This is not only good exposure therapy- it's fun!
" Join a local Toastmasters club or offer to give a public presentation on an area relating to your expertise at a library or school. Public speaking is an excellent channel for exorcising humiliation, especially if you do it on a regular basis (that's speak in public, not humiliate yourself).
Rejection
" Call up a deejay at a local country radio station and request a song by Metallica or Ozzy Osbourne. Be aware that you will be rejected; you might be laughed at and rejected, and there is a possibility you may be laughed at and rejected on the air.
" If you're single, use an online location service like Classmates.com or PeopleFinder.com to find an old school classmate you used to have a crush on. Contact them and ask for a date (or just initiate a conversation). If you're married, contact an old school classmate and invite them to lunch. At worst they'll say no; at best, you will have rediscovered a friend.
" Write a poem or a short story and try to submit it to a newspaper or magazine, or enter a writing contest. If you aren't rejected, become a writer immediately.
Failure
" Try to nail Jell-o to a tree.
" Buy a new video game and attempt to win it in one sitting. If you play video games on a regular basis, buy a video game that's different from the ones you usually play (for example, if you enjoy fighting video games, try a quest-driven format. Or video chess.).
" Start a new hobby that requires creating an end product, such as knitting, model kit building, or cake decorating. Please note that if you are working on your dietary habits, it is not advisable to embark on cake-decorating exposure therapy to combat fear of failure. You will feel obliged to consume your failed attempts. Instead, try vegetable sculpture or fruit bowl arrangement.
" Challenge Jeff Gordon to a stock car race. This will also help overcome your fears of rejection and humiliation, as at least one of them is bound to happen.
Conquering your fears is like climbing a mountain - do it one step at a time.
You can determine your own form of exposure therapy by coming up with ways to face your personal fears one small step at a time. If you can't think of anything, ask a friend to help. Most people are more than willing to try something new, especially if they get to watch you do something entertaining.
NOTE: These exercises are not intended as a substitute for professional psychiatric care. If your fears are extraordinarily strong and interfere with normal functions or daily activities, you should seek the advice of a certified psychiatrist. Self-induced exposure therapy can be effective in reducing or alleviating normal fear,and perhaps more importantly, but should not be used in cases of mentally crippling or trauma-induced fear.
"All of us are born with a set of instinctive fears- of falling, of the dark, of lobsters, of falling on lobsters in the dark or speaking before the Rotary Club, and of the words "Some Assembly Required." - Dave Barry
Where all else fails to stop us from achieving what we want from life, fear steps in. We experience fear on both conscious and unconscious lelimiting emotions we possess. In some cases fear is justified, and even healthy. For example, a person contemplating crossing a busy street will harbor a healthy fear of being struck by two tons of rapidly moving steel commonly known as a motor vehicle (at least, if he or she is a reasonably sane person who understands the basic laws of physics: moving car + walking person = splat). This fear breeds caution, which causes the person to look both ways for oncoming traffic and wait for an appropriate time to venture across the road.
However, unjustified fear- which can be just as crippling and realistic as justified fear- is more often the case when fear is a factor,1875 Ugg Sheepskin Cuff Short Sand Boots. Not many people risk their lives on a regular basis.
Humiliation, rejection, and failure top the list* of limiting fears that can be overcome with practice and determination.
* Actually, spiders top the list of fears for most people. Arachnophobia- fear of spiders- is the most common type of fear in the world. However, fear of spiders is completely justifiable, as spiders are creepy eight-legged insects with fangs, alien eyes, and a tendency to drop on you out of nowhere.
One of the easiest and most successful methods of dealing with fear is exposure therapy, which is actually facing your fears one small step at a time. If you don't feel you can handle exposure therapy alone, enlist a friend to participate- especially if you can find a friend who doesn't fear the same things you do. With exposure therapy, the objective is to experience fear to a small degree several times, so that each time it becomes easier to conquer. (Please note that exposure therapy does not apply to every situation. For example,I could still declare that being glad and staying glad is my choice. If the truth be told, if you are afraid of flying,6. To age more slowly. Learn Spanish to slow the aging process, it is not recommended that you leap from successively higher perches and attempt to become airborne.)
Here are some ways you can implement exposure therapy for the Big Three fears:
Humiliation
" Wear your slippers to the grocery store. If you're feeling ultra-brave, scuff your feet across the floor to call attention to your slippers. If you're feeling ultra-timid, go to a grocery store far enough from your house that the shoppers will probably never see you again.
" Sing at a karaoke bar. While you're sober.
" Choose one completely inappropriate article of clothing (a Dr. Seuss hat, a big pair of fuzzy mittens in the middle of summer, a headband with bumblebee antenna) and wear it in public as long as you can. This is not only good exposure therapy- it's fun!
" Join a local Toastmasters club or offer to give a public presentation on an area relating to your expertise at a library or school. Public speaking is an excellent channel for exorcising humiliation, especially if you do it on a regular basis (that's speak in public, not humiliate yourself).
Rejection
" Call up a deejay at a local country radio station and request a song by Metallica or Ozzy Osbourne. Be aware that you will be rejected; you might be laughed at and rejected, and there is a possibility you may be laughed at and rejected on the air.
" If you're single, use an online location service like Classmates.com or PeopleFinder.com to find an old school classmate you used to have a crush on. Contact them and ask for a date (or just initiate a conversation). If you're married, contact an old school classmate and invite them to lunch. At worst they'll say no; at best, you will have rediscovered a friend.
" Write a poem or a short story and try to submit it to a newspaper or magazine, or enter a writing contest. If you aren't rejected, become a writer immediately.
Failure
" Try to nail Jell-o to a tree.
" Buy a new video game and attempt to win it in one sitting. If you play video games on a regular basis, buy a video game that's different from the ones you usually play (for example, if you enjoy fighting video games, try a quest-driven format. Or video chess.).
" Start a new hobby that requires creating an end product, such as knitting, model kit building, or cake decorating. Please note that if you are working on your dietary habits, it is not advisable to embark on cake-decorating exposure therapy to combat fear of failure. You will feel obliged to consume your failed attempts. Instead, try vegetable sculpture or fruit bowl arrangement.
" Challenge Jeff Gordon to a stock car race. This will also help overcome your fears of rejection and humiliation, as at least one of them is bound to happen.
Conquering your fears is like climbing a mountain - do it one step at a time.
You can determine your own form of exposure therapy by coming up with ways to face your personal fears one small step at a time. If you can't think of anything, ask a friend to help. Most people are more than willing to try something new, especially if they get to watch you do something entertaining.
NOTE: These exercises are not intended as a substitute for professional psychiatric care. If your fears are extraordinarily strong and interfere with normal functions or daily activities, you should seek the advice of a certified psychiatrist. Self-induced exposure therapy can be effective in reducing or alleviating normal fear,and perhaps more importantly, but should not be used in cases of mentally crippling or trauma-induced fear.
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
In the 1960s
Active Relaxation
Stress
Stress is a serious business. The subject is often in the news: we know that it causes the loss of more working days than physical illness and can lead to serious conditions of the heart and other organs. Stress is taken so seriously these days that employers have a legal duty of care towards their employees.
The media put far less emphasis on the natural antidote to stress: relaxation. It might be useful to remind ourselves what relaxation actually means. Far from merely being the absence of tension, relaxing actually requires a positive act of will. Just as a composer writes rests - indicating silence - as carefully as the notes played by musicians, so we need to decide when to relax and how to do so. Just think of the expression 'To compose yourself'.
Techniques that help
We know of many techniques and disciplines, some of them very ancient, that help us to relax. Meditation has been described as 'Increasing the distance between thoughts', a way of emptying the mind of its usual chatter, regret, worry and aspiration. Yoga can help us to achieve a similar inner calm through focusing on the body and how it breathes. In both cases, the emphasis is actively on focusing our attention on the here and now, rather than reflecting on the past or thinking ahead.
As with any other conscious decision, we need to focus on what we are doing if we want to succeed - and here,1875 Ugg Sheepskin Cuff Short Sand Boots, for many of us, lies the difficulty. If we want to benefit from these disciplines, not only do we need to endure the slow process of learning new techniques that feel strange and unfamiliar before enjoying the benefits,walking in the woods, we also have to overcome an instinctive objection from our own bodies.
What tension does
The trouble is that when we are experiencing stress we become tense: our muscles tighten and adrenaline and cortisol flow through our systems, making it even harder to relax. Even sitting in a quiet darkened room doesn't guarantee success if your mind is buzzing you'll feel over stimulated. It's easy to understand why we seek easier, more instant ways to calm down. That's why we sometimes confuse relaxation with distraction - especially in a time when so many distractions are available.
What does or doesn't relax us
'I feel stressed out tonight. Let's just relax in front of the TV,and adjust our actions accordingly..' Unfortunately, most television programmes are designed to engage us by arousing our interest in some way. The sound tracks are especially effective in stimulating us emotionally, so that the net result of our attempts to 'switch off' turn out to be merely 'changing channels' with our attention. We swap one set of stimuli for another - and we have even less control over the content than when we are wrestling with all the details of our own over-busy lives.
The active choice
So: relaxation is an active choice, but it can seem too difficult and time-consuming to learn how to use the techniques that work. How can we actively choose to relax easily and effectively? William Congreve wrote Music hath charms to soothe the savage breast, to soften rocks, or bend a knotted oak.' and throughout history gentle music has been a favourite way to change the way we feel. This is because the vibrations that reach our ears do more than just please us as they cause our own internal rhythms, like heartbeat and brain activity, to synchronise with the music.
If you have ever tried turning off the sound track of a scary movie you know how flat it can seem with only pictures to keep the mood going. Anyone who has seen what happens to baby boomers at a party when someone plays a Rolling Stones record has experienced the power of music to move people.
Type of music that relaxes
Naturally, the result depends on the type of music being played. A growing number of composers are choosing to focus mainly on the effect their music has on the listener. In the 1960s a series of 'mood music' albums appeared, followed in the 1970s by British artist Brian Eno's invention of the term 'ambient music' to describe the subtle, mood-invoking albums he created. The emphasis in this type of music is on the listener, not the artist ~ a very different approach from most productions. My own experience is relevant here as I spent more than twenty five years doing my best to capture the audience's attention as a session musician, performer and bandleader before getting involved with hypnosis and Neuro-Linguistic Programming as a way of helping people to live the kind of lives they really want,and commit to calling or visiting in person when you first start feeling fear or doubt..
New role
It was while exploring how to combine music with these ways of helping people that I realised the difference in emphasis: in my new musical role I was no longer centre stage ~ in fact, if the listener was aware of me then I wasn't doing my job. It surprised me how much more difficult it can be to produce music so subtle that the listener is largely unaware of it, yet so effective that it relaxes him or her every time.
Self treatment
As I researched what had already been done I found a fascinating range of different techniques, all contributing to the power of gentle music to soothe and calm us. These approaches can be combined to create truly effective musical solutions to the everyday problems caused by stress. This kind of self-treatment is a welcome alternative to pharmaceuticals, being very effective and extremely safe. Some hospitals have found that when they play the right kind of music their pain-killing medication bill goes down, in some cases to half its former level.
In the 1960s, a popular idea was that music could change the world. For us as individuals, that now seems to be true at least on a personal level.
Stress
Stress is a serious business. The subject is often in the news: we know that it causes the loss of more working days than physical illness and can lead to serious conditions of the heart and other organs. Stress is taken so seriously these days that employers have a legal duty of care towards their employees.
The media put far less emphasis on the natural antidote to stress: relaxation. It might be useful to remind ourselves what relaxation actually means. Far from merely being the absence of tension, relaxing actually requires a positive act of will. Just as a composer writes rests - indicating silence - as carefully as the notes played by musicians, so we need to decide when to relax and how to do so. Just think of the expression 'To compose yourself'.
Techniques that help
We know of many techniques and disciplines, some of them very ancient, that help us to relax. Meditation has been described as 'Increasing the distance between thoughts', a way of emptying the mind of its usual chatter, regret, worry and aspiration. Yoga can help us to achieve a similar inner calm through focusing on the body and how it breathes. In both cases, the emphasis is actively on focusing our attention on the here and now, rather than reflecting on the past or thinking ahead.
As with any other conscious decision, we need to focus on what we are doing if we want to succeed - and here,1875 Ugg Sheepskin Cuff Short Sand Boots, for many of us, lies the difficulty. If we want to benefit from these disciplines, not only do we need to endure the slow process of learning new techniques that feel strange and unfamiliar before enjoying the benefits,walking in the woods, we also have to overcome an instinctive objection from our own bodies.
What tension does
The trouble is that when we are experiencing stress we become tense: our muscles tighten and adrenaline and cortisol flow through our systems, making it even harder to relax. Even sitting in a quiet darkened room doesn't guarantee success if your mind is buzzing you'll feel over stimulated. It's easy to understand why we seek easier, more instant ways to calm down. That's why we sometimes confuse relaxation with distraction - especially in a time when so many distractions are available.
What does or doesn't relax us
'I feel stressed out tonight. Let's just relax in front of the TV,and adjust our actions accordingly..' Unfortunately, most television programmes are designed to engage us by arousing our interest in some way. The sound tracks are especially effective in stimulating us emotionally, so that the net result of our attempts to 'switch off' turn out to be merely 'changing channels' with our attention. We swap one set of stimuli for another - and we have even less control over the content than when we are wrestling with all the details of our own over-busy lives.
The active choice
So: relaxation is an active choice, but it can seem too difficult and time-consuming to learn how to use the techniques that work. How can we actively choose to relax easily and effectively? William Congreve wrote Music hath charms to soothe the savage breast, to soften rocks, or bend a knotted oak.' and throughout history gentle music has been a favourite way to change the way we feel. This is because the vibrations that reach our ears do more than just please us as they cause our own internal rhythms, like heartbeat and brain activity, to synchronise with the music.
If you have ever tried turning off the sound track of a scary movie you know how flat it can seem with only pictures to keep the mood going. Anyone who has seen what happens to baby boomers at a party when someone plays a Rolling Stones record has experienced the power of music to move people.
Type of music that relaxes
Naturally, the result depends on the type of music being played. A growing number of composers are choosing to focus mainly on the effect their music has on the listener. In the 1960s a series of 'mood music' albums appeared, followed in the 1970s by British artist Brian Eno's invention of the term 'ambient music' to describe the subtle, mood-invoking albums he created. The emphasis in this type of music is on the listener, not the artist ~ a very different approach from most productions. My own experience is relevant here as I spent more than twenty five years doing my best to capture the audience's attention as a session musician, performer and bandleader before getting involved with hypnosis and Neuro-Linguistic Programming as a way of helping people to live the kind of lives they really want,and commit to calling or visiting in person when you first start feeling fear or doubt..
New role
It was while exploring how to combine music with these ways of helping people that I realised the difference in emphasis: in my new musical role I was no longer centre stage ~ in fact, if the listener was aware of me then I wasn't doing my job. It surprised me how much more difficult it can be to produce music so subtle that the listener is largely unaware of it, yet so effective that it relaxes him or her every time.
Self treatment
As I researched what had already been done I found a fascinating range of different techniques, all contributing to the power of gentle music to soothe and calm us. These approaches can be combined to create truly effective musical solutions to the everyday problems caused by stress. This kind of self-treatment is a welcome alternative to pharmaceuticals, being very effective and extremely safe. Some hospitals have found that when they play the right kind of music their pain-killing medication bill goes down, in some cases to half its former level.
In the 1960s, a popular idea was that music could change the world. For us as individuals, that now seems to be true at least on a personal level.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
You will be surprised at how well this simple process works.
Why To Dump Will Power And Get Motivated The Easy Way
Today I wanted to tell you a little about my background and share a motivation tip you can use right away,flowing in.
For over 20 years I have been fascinated by the possibilities that exist for creating rapid and lasting personal change. And I learned some great tools for personal change.
And like you I would get excited about having more, being more and doing more but the momentum would never last. I would find myself waking up in the morning with very little interest in seizing the day!
I felt so much pressure to achieve that it was a lot easier to do nothing and not fall short of my huge expectations. So I would try to be as relaxed as possible and avoid experiences that might shake me out of my comfort zone,ADMIT YOUR SHYNESS.
Unfortunately this outlook does not work very well because eventually problems build up and the weeds start to grow in the garden of your life,1875 Ugg Sheepskin Cuff Short Sand Boots. Your procrastination is like a fickle friend, keen to take it easy with you but nowhere in sight when the work needs to be done!
At times like this most people give will power a shot.
Does will power work?
Will power alone will never work over the long term. It is the hardest way possible to get yourself to do anything. Its like trying to open a tin can with your teeth when there is a can opener in your pocket.
Instead you need to tap into the limitless power of your mind. When you do you can break bad habits, create beneficial new ones and put yourself back on track easily, quickly and with very little effort,we are often able then to turn those answers back around into new alternatives..
You see making changes to enhance the quality of your life does not need to be slow or difficult. Unfortunately most people are still struggling because they continue to rely on ineffective approaches like will power.
Motivation Tip for Today:
Forget about will power. Instead write down one small action you have been putting off and answer the following questions and really put some thought into the answers:
What am I missing out on of importance by not doing this?
What will I gain most by doing this?
Why is it important to me to get this done?
How is not doing this inconsistent with who I really am?
Pretend You Have Already Completed the Task:
Get a pen and paper and take 5 minutes to describe how you feel now that you have already finished the task you have been postponing. i.e. pretend you have already completed the task.
e.g. I have already cleaned the yard and I feel fantastic. My family and friends are really impressed and I feel so proud of myself and so delighted that it is finally done.
The yard looks immaculate, so tidy I have even impressed myself. I feel so powerful, energetic and motivated. I feel on top of the world. etc. etc.
Do this quickly and write with as much emotion as you can express. Spend at least 5 minutes on it.
You will be surprised at how well this simple process works.
You may find that you feel a boost in motivation that gets even better each time you use this process. Do it once a day for best results.
Today I wanted to tell you a little about my background and share a motivation tip you can use right away,flowing in.
For over 20 years I have been fascinated by the possibilities that exist for creating rapid and lasting personal change. And I learned some great tools for personal change.
And like you I would get excited about having more, being more and doing more but the momentum would never last. I would find myself waking up in the morning with very little interest in seizing the day!
I felt so much pressure to achieve that it was a lot easier to do nothing and not fall short of my huge expectations. So I would try to be as relaxed as possible and avoid experiences that might shake me out of my comfort zone,ADMIT YOUR SHYNESS.
Unfortunately this outlook does not work very well because eventually problems build up and the weeds start to grow in the garden of your life,1875 Ugg Sheepskin Cuff Short Sand Boots. Your procrastination is like a fickle friend, keen to take it easy with you but nowhere in sight when the work needs to be done!
At times like this most people give will power a shot.
Does will power work?
Will power alone will never work over the long term. It is the hardest way possible to get yourself to do anything. Its like trying to open a tin can with your teeth when there is a can opener in your pocket.
Instead you need to tap into the limitless power of your mind. When you do you can break bad habits, create beneficial new ones and put yourself back on track easily, quickly and with very little effort,we are often able then to turn those answers back around into new alternatives..
You see making changes to enhance the quality of your life does not need to be slow or difficult. Unfortunately most people are still struggling because they continue to rely on ineffective approaches like will power.
Motivation Tip for Today:
Forget about will power. Instead write down one small action you have been putting off and answer the following questions and really put some thought into the answers:
What am I missing out on of importance by not doing this?
What will I gain most by doing this?
Why is it important to me to get this done?
How is not doing this inconsistent with who I really am?
Pretend You Have Already Completed the Task:
Get a pen and paper and take 5 minutes to describe how you feel now that you have already finished the task you have been postponing. i.e. pretend you have already completed the task.
e.g. I have already cleaned the yard and I feel fantastic. My family and friends are really impressed and I feel so proud of myself and so delighted that it is finally done.
The yard looks immaculate, so tidy I have even impressed myself. I feel so powerful, energetic and motivated. I feel on top of the world. etc. etc.
Do this quickly and write with as much emotion as you can express. Spend at least 5 minutes on it.
You will be surprised at how well this simple process works.
You may find that you feel a boost in motivation that gets even better each time you use this process. Do it once a day for best results.
Sunday, November 11, 2012
ideas in his chosen subject that have ever been
Business Results Through Psychic
A successful business is not usually the result of chance.
Neither is a failure the result of luck. Most failures could be
determined in advance if the founders had been studied. It is not
always possible to start a money-making business at the start.
Usually a number of changes have to be made. Plans do not work
out as their creators thought they would. They may have to be
changed a little, broadened it may be, here and there, and as you
broaden your business you broaden your power to achieve. You gain
an intense and sustained desire to make your business a success.
When you start a business you may have but a vague notion of the
way you will conduct it. You must fill in the details as you go
along. You must concentrate on these details. As you straighten
out one after another, others will require attention. In this way
you cover the field of "the first endeavor" and new opportunities
open up for you.
When you realize one desire, another comes. But if you do not
fulfill the first desire, you will not the second. The person
that does not carry his desires into action is only a dreamer.
Desire is a great creative force, if it is pure, intense and
sustained. It is our desires that keep stirring us up to action
and they will strengthen and broaden you if you make them
materialize.
Every man who achieves success deserves it. When he first started
out he did not understand how to solve the problems that
afterwards presented themselves, but he did each thing as it came
up in the very best way that he could, and this developed his
power of doing bigger things. We become masters of business by
learning to do well whatever we attempt. The man that has a
thorough knowledge of his business can of course direct it much
more easily and skillfully than the man who lacks that knowledge.
The skilled business director can sit in his private office and
still know accurately what is actually being done. He knows what
should be done in any given time and if it is not accomplished he
knows that his employees are not turning out the work that they
should. It is then easy to apply the remedy.
Business success depends on well-concentrated efforts. You must
use every mental force you can master. The more these are used
the more they increase. Therefore the more you accomplish today
the more force you will have at your disposal with which to solve
your problems tomorrow.
If you are working for someone else today and wish to start in a
business for yourself, think over carefully what you would like
to do. Then when you have resolved what you want to do, you will
be drawn towards it. There is a law that opens the way to the
fulfillment of your desires. Of course back of your desire you
must put forward the necessary effort to carry out your purpose;
you must use your power to put your desires into force. Once they
are created and you keep up your determination to have them
fulfilled you both consciously and unconsciously work toward
their materialization. Set your heart on your purpose,
concentrate your thought upon it, direct your efforts with all
your intelligence and in due time you will realize your ambition.
Feel yourself a success, believe you are a success and thus put
yourself in the attitude that demands recognition and the thought
current draws to you what you need to make you a success. Don't
be afraid of big undertakings," try asking yourself. Go at them with grit, and pursue
methods that you think will accomplish your purpose. You may not
at first meet with entire success, but aim so high that if you
fall a little short you will still have accomplished much.
What others have done you can do. You may even do what others
have been unable to do. Always keep a strong desire to succeed in
your mind. Be in love with your aim and work, and make them, as
far as possible, square with the rule of the greatest good to the
greatest number and your life cannot be a failure.
The successful business attitude must be cultivated to make the
most out of your life, the attitude of expecting great things
from both yourself and others. It alone will often cause men to
make good; to measure up to the best that is in them.
It is not the spasmodic spurts that count on a long journey, but
the steady efforts. Spurts fatigue and make it hard for you to
continue.
Rely on your own opinion. It should be as good as anyone's else.
When once you reach a conclusion abide by it. Let there be no
doubt, or wavering in your judgment. If you are uncertain about
every decision you make, you will be subject to harassing doubts
and fears which will render your judgment of little value. The
man that decides according to what he thinks right and who learns
from every mistake acquires a well balanced mind that gets the
best results. He gains the confidence of others,1875 Ugg Sheepskin Cuff Short Sand Boots. He is known as
the man that knows what he wants, and not as one that is as
changeable as the weather. The man of today wants to do business
with the man that he can depend upon. Uncertainties in the
business world are meeting with more disfavor. Reliable firms
want to do business with men of known qualities, with men of
firmness, judgment and reliability.
So if you wish to start in business for yourself your greatest
asset, with the single exception of a sound physique, is that of
a good reputation.
A successful business is not hard to build if we can concentrate
all our mental forces upon it. It is the man that is unsettled
because he does not know what he wants that goes to the wall. We
hear persons say that business is trying on the nerves, but it is
the unsettling elements of fret and worry and suspense that are
nerve-exhausting and not the business. Executing one's plans may
cause fatigue, enjoyment comes with rest. If there has not been
any unnatural strain, the recuperative powers replace what energy
has been lost.
By attending to each day's work properly you develop the capacity
to do a greater work tomorrow. It is this gradual development
that makes possible the carrying out of big plans. The man that
figures out doing something each hour of the day gets somewhere.
At the end of each day you should be a step nearer your aim. Keep
the idea in mind, that you mean to go forward, that each day must
mark an advance and forward you will go. You do not even have to
know the exact direction so long as you are determined to find
the way. But you must not turn back once you have started.
Even brilliant men's conceptions of the possibilities of their
mental forces are so limited and below their real worth that they
are far more likely to belittle their possibilities than they are
to exaggerate them. You don't want to think that an aim is
impossible because it has never been realized in the past. Every
day someone is doing something that was never done before. We are
pushing ahead faster. Formerly it took decades to build up a big
business, but today it is only but a matter of years, sometimes
of months.
Plan each day's activities carefully and you can reach any height
you aim at. If each thing you do is done with concise and
concentrated thought you will be able to turn out an excellent
quality and a large quantity of work. Plan to do so much work
during the day and you will be astonished to see how much more
you will do, than on other days, when you had not decided on any
certain amount. I have demonstrated that the average business
working force could do the same amount of work in six hours that
they now do in eight, without using up any more energy. Never
start to accomplish anything in an indecisive, indefinite,
uncertain way. Tackle everything with a positiveness and an
earnestness that will concentrate your mind and attract the very
best associated thoughts. You will in a short time find that you
will have extra time for planning bigger things.
The natural leader always draws to himself, by the law of mental
attraction, ideas in his chosen subject that have ever been
conceived by others. This is of the greatest importance and help.
If you are properly trained you benefit much by others' thoughts,
and, providing you generate from within yourself something of
value, they will benefit from yours. "We are heirs of all the
ages," but we must know how to use our inheritance.
The confident, pushing,'What is it on this list that I, hopeful, determined man influences all
with whom he associates, and inspires the same qualities in them.
You feel that his is a safe example to follow and he rouses the
same force within you that is pushing him onward and upward.
One seldom makes a success of anything that he goes at in a
listless, spiritless way. To build up a business you must see it
expanding in your mind before it actually takes tangible shape.
Every great task that has ever been accomplished has first been
merely a vision in the mind of its creator. Detail after detail
has had to be worked out in his mind from his first faint idea of
the enterprise. Finally a clear idea was formed and then the
accomplishment, which was only the material result of the mental
concept, followed.
The up-to-date business man is not content to build only for the
present, but is planning ahead. If he does not he will fall
behind his competitor, who is. What we are actually doing today
was carefully thought out and planned by others in the past. All
progressive businesses are conducted this way. That is why the
young business man of today is likely to accomplish more in a few
years than his father did in all his life. There is no reason why
your work or business should fag you out. When it does there is
something wrong. You are attracting forces and influence that you
should not, because you are not in harmony with what you are
doing. There is nothing so tiring as to try to do the work for
which we are unfitted, both by temperament and training.
Each one should be engaged in a business that he loves; be should
be furthering movements with which he is in sympathy. He will
then only do his best work and take intense pleasure in his
business. In this way, while constantly growing and developing
his powers,"You are the master"., he is at the same time rendering through his work,
genuine and devoted service to humanity.
Business success is not the result of chance, but of scientific
ideas and plans carried out by an aggressive and progressive
management. Use your mental forces so that they will grow and
develop. Remember that everything you do is the result of mental
action, therefore you can completely control your every action.
Nothing is impossible for you. Don't be afraid to tackle a
difficult proposition. Your success will depend upon the use you
make of your mind. This is capable of wonderful development. See
that you make full use of it, and not only develop yourself but
your associates. Try to broaden the visions of those with whom
you come in contact and you will broaden your own outlook of
life.
Are You Afraid of Responsibilities? In order for the individual
soul to develop, you must have responsibilities. You must
manifest the omnipotence of the law of supply. The whole world is
your legitimate sphere of activity. How much of a conqueror are
you? What have you done? Are you afraid of responsibility, or are
you ever dodging, flinching, or side stepping it. If you are, you
are not a Real Man. Your higher self never winces, so be a man
and allow the powers of the higher self to manifest and you will
find you have plenty of strength and you will feel better when
you are tackling difficult propositions.
A successful business is not usually the result of chance.
Neither is a failure the result of luck. Most failures could be
determined in advance if the founders had been studied. It is not
always possible to start a money-making business at the start.
Usually a number of changes have to be made. Plans do not work
out as their creators thought they would. They may have to be
changed a little, broadened it may be, here and there, and as you
broaden your business you broaden your power to achieve. You gain
an intense and sustained desire to make your business a success.
When you start a business you may have but a vague notion of the
way you will conduct it. You must fill in the details as you go
along. You must concentrate on these details. As you straighten
out one after another, others will require attention. In this way
you cover the field of "the first endeavor" and new opportunities
open up for you.
When you realize one desire, another comes. But if you do not
fulfill the first desire, you will not the second. The person
that does not carry his desires into action is only a dreamer.
Desire is a great creative force, if it is pure, intense and
sustained. It is our desires that keep stirring us up to action
and they will strengthen and broaden you if you make them
materialize.
Every man who achieves success deserves it. When he first started
out he did not understand how to solve the problems that
afterwards presented themselves, but he did each thing as it came
up in the very best way that he could, and this developed his
power of doing bigger things. We become masters of business by
learning to do well whatever we attempt. The man that has a
thorough knowledge of his business can of course direct it much
more easily and skillfully than the man who lacks that knowledge.
The skilled business director can sit in his private office and
still know accurately what is actually being done. He knows what
should be done in any given time and if it is not accomplished he
knows that his employees are not turning out the work that they
should. It is then easy to apply the remedy.
Business success depends on well-concentrated efforts. You must
use every mental force you can master. The more these are used
the more they increase. Therefore the more you accomplish today
the more force you will have at your disposal with which to solve
your problems tomorrow.
If you are working for someone else today and wish to start in a
business for yourself, think over carefully what you would like
to do. Then when you have resolved what you want to do, you will
be drawn towards it. There is a law that opens the way to the
fulfillment of your desires. Of course back of your desire you
must put forward the necessary effort to carry out your purpose;
you must use your power to put your desires into force. Once they
are created and you keep up your determination to have them
fulfilled you both consciously and unconsciously work toward
their materialization. Set your heart on your purpose,
concentrate your thought upon it, direct your efforts with all
your intelligence and in due time you will realize your ambition.
Feel yourself a success, believe you are a success and thus put
yourself in the attitude that demands recognition and the thought
current draws to you what you need to make you a success. Don't
be afraid of big undertakings," try asking yourself. Go at them with grit, and pursue
methods that you think will accomplish your purpose. You may not
at first meet with entire success, but aim so high that if you
fall a little short you will still have accomplished much.
What others have done you can do. You may even do what others
have been unable to do. Always keep a strong desire to succeed in
your mind. Be in love with your aim and work, and make them, as
far as possible, square with the rule of the greatest good to the
greatest number and your life cannot be a failure.
The successful business attitude must be cultivated to make the
most out of your life, the attitude of expecting great things
from both yourself and others. It alone will often cause men to
make good; to measure up to the best that is in them.
It is not the spasmodic spurts that count on a long journey, but
the steady efforts. Spurts fatigue and make it hard for you to
continue.
Rely on your own opinion. It should be as good as anyone's else.
When once you reach a conclusion abide by it. Let there be no
doubt, or wavering in your judgment. If you are uncertain about
every decision you make, you will be subject to harassing doubts
and fears which will render your judgment of little value. The
man that decides according to what he thinks right and who learns
from every mistake acquires a well balanced mind that gets the
best results. He gains the confidence of others,1875 Ugg Sheepskin Cuff Short Sand Boots. He is known as
the man that knows what he wants, and not as one that is as
changeable as the weather. The man of today wants to do business
with the man that he can depend upon. Uncertainties in the
business world are meeting with more disfavor. Reliable firms
want to do business with men of known qualities, with men of
firmness, judgment and reliability.
So if you wish to start in business for yourself your greatest
asset, with the single exception of a sound physique, is that of
a good reputation.
A successful business is not hard to build if we can concentrate
all our mental forces upon it. It is the man that is unsettled
because he does not know what he wants that goes to the wall. We
hear persons say that business is trying on the nerves, but it is
the unsettling elements of fret and worry and suspense that are
nerve-exhausting and not the business. Executing one's plans may
cause fatigue, enjoyment comes with rest. If there has not been
any unnatural strain, the recuperative powers replace what energy
has been lost.
By attending to each day's work properly you develop the capacity
to do a greater work tomorrow. It is this gradual development
that makes possible the carrying out of big plans. The man that
figures out doing something each hour of the day gets somewhere.
At the end of each day you should be a step nearer your aim. Keep
the idea in mind, that you mean to go forward, that each day must
mark an advance and forward you will go. You do not even have to
know the exact direction so long as you are determined to find
the way. But you must not turn back once you have started.
Even brilliant men's conceptions of the possibilities of their
mental forces are so limited and below their real worth that they
are far more likely to belittle their possibilities than they are
to exaggerate them. You don't want to think that an aim is
impossible because it has never been realized in the past. Every
day someone is doing something that was never done before. We are
pushing ahead faster. Formerly it took decades to build up a big
business, but today it is only but a matter of years, sometimes
of months.
Plan each day's activities carefully and you can reach any height
you aim at. If each thing you do is done with concise and
concentrated thought you will be able to turn out an excellent
quality and a large quantity of work. Plan to do so much work
during the day and you will be astonished to see how much more
you will do, than on other days, when you had not decided on any
certain amount. I have demonstrated that the average business
working force could do the same amount of work in six hours that
they now do in eight, without using up any more energy. Never
start to accomplish anything in an indecisive, indefinite,
uncertain way. Tackle everything with a positiveness and an
earnestness that will concentrate your mind and attract the very
best associated thoughts. You will in a short time find that you
will have extra time for planning bigger things.
The natural leader always draws to himself, by the law of mental
attraction, ideas in his chosen subject that have ever been
conceived by others. This is of the greatest importance and help.
If you are properly trained you benefit much by others' thoughts,
and, providing you generate from within yourself something of
value, they will benefit from yours. "We are heirs of all the
ages," but we must know how to use our inheritance.
The confident, pushing,'What is it on this list that I, hopeful, determined man influences all
with whom he associates, and inspires the same qualities in them.
You feel that his is a safe example to follow and he rouses the
same force within you that is pushing him onward and upward.
One seldom makes a success of anything that he goes at in a
listless, spiritless way. To build up a business you must see it
expanding in your mind before it actually takes tangible shape.
Every great task that has ever been accomplished has first been
merely a vision in the mind of its creator. Detail after detail
has had to be worked out in his mind from his first faint idea of
the enterprise. Finally a clear idea was formed and then the
accomplishment, which was only the material result of the mental
concept, followed.
The up-to-date business man is not content to build only for the
present, but is planning ahead. If he does not he will fall
behind his competitor, who is. What we are actually doing today
was carefully thought out and planned by others in the past. All
progressive businesses are conducted this way. That is why the
young business man of today is likely to accomplish more in a few
years than his father did in all his life. There is no reason why
your work or business should fag you out. When it does there is
something wrong. You are attracting forces and influence that you
should not, because you are not in harmony with what you are
doing. There is nothing so tiring as to try to do the work for
which we are unfitted, both by temperament and training.
Each one should be engaged in a business that he loves; be should
be furthering movements with which he is in sympathy. He will
then only do his best work and take intense pleasure in his
business. In this way, while constantly growing and developing
his powers,"You are the master"., he is at the same time rendering through his work,
genuine and devoted service to humanity.
Business success is not the result of chance, but of scientific
ideas and plans carried out by an aggressive and progressive
management. Use your mental forces so that they will grow and
develop. Remember that everything you do is the result of mental
action, therefore you can completely control your every action.
Nothing is impossible for you. Don't be afraid to tackle a
difficult proposition. Your success will depend upon the use you
make of your mind. This is capable of wonderful development. See
that you make full use of it, and not only develop yourself but
your associates. Try to broaden the visions of those with whom
you come in contact and you will broaden your own outlook of
life.
Are You Afraid of Responsibilities? In order for the individual
soul to develop, you must have responsibilities. You must
manifest the omnipotence of the law of supply. The whole world is
your legitimate sphere of activity. How much of a conqueror are
you? What have you done? Are you afraid of responsibility, or are
you ever dodging, flinching, or side stepping it. If you are, you
are not a Real Man. Your higher self never winces, so be a man
and allow the powers of the higher self to manifest and you will
find you have plenty of strength and you will feel better when
you are tackling difficult propositions.
Friday, November 9, 2012
the first thing that comes to mind is meditation
Using Zen and Self Development Books to Improve Your Life by Jackson Golde
When speaking of Zen,geranium, the first thing that comes to mind is meditation, but the idea of Zen living has spurred a whole new avenue for exploration. One of the topics that are often discussed is Zen and self development books. It is only natural for this philosophy to flow in this manner. Today, we live in a society that is very high stress. More and more,He was at war with these bowel polyps., we see households with both parents working, then after work time is spent running the children from one field to another so that they can play there various sports games, leaving very little time for true rest and relaxation. This is why we are searching out different ways to cope. Zen and self development books are teaching us how to use this philosophy to better ourselves and those around us.
These books teach us many things starting with how to control our breathing. This is one of the most essential activities,Confront that personThen tell them you love them.. The reason for this is that it views breathing as a door that is opening and closing. One side is considered our inner world and the other is our outer world and according to Zen philosophy, both of these worlds are limitless. The main goal of breathing in this way is so that time just slips away,1875 Ugg Sheepskin Cuff Short Sand Boots. This creates instant karma amongst us and a sense of well being. Posture is also a very important in regards to achieving this state of mind.
This actually coincides with the activity of deep breathing. Standing up straight with shoulders pushed back and head held up high creates an environment that maximizes our ability to take in air, and with that we produce more oxygen in our blood streams causing us to be more physically alert to what is going on around us. Both of these lead into the last aspect that I will discuss and that is being able to give up control of our mind, even if it's just fr a short period of time throughout our days. Doing this will enable us to have a calmness about us that is not possible otherwise.
Don't think that you have to shell out a bunch of money to purchase these critical books. Most libraries contain a sufficient amount of books on the topic, from the classics to the new releases. All individuals need is a library card and the motivation to read and learn. Although individuals can save money this way, it may be beneficial to purchase books that are favorites in order to highlight important passages, make important notations in the margins, etc.
As a society we crave the sense of well being and sanity that can be brought about by Zen and self development books. This is why reading and studying about the lifestyle can bring about is so beneficial. Instead of constantly being on the go we can force ourselves not to escape reality, but we can use this to focus our attentions on what is really important. In a nutshell, it gives us the inner fortitude to not sweat the small stuff and focus our energies on the big picture.
When speaking of Zen,geranium, the first thing that comes to mind is meditation, but the idea of Zen living has spurred a whole new avenue for exploration. One of the topics that are often discussed is Zen and self development books. It is only natural for this philosophy to flow in this manner. Today, we live in a society that is very high stress. More and more,He was at war with these bowel polyps., we see households with both parents working, then after work time is spent running the children from one field to another so that they can play there various sports games, leaving very little time for true rest and relaxation. This is why we are searching out different ways to cope. Zen and self development books are teaching us how to use this philosophy to better ourselves and those around us.
These books teach us many things starting with how to control our breathing. This is one of the most essential activities,Confront that personThen tell them you love them.. The reason for this is that it views breathing as a door that is opening and closing. One side is considered our inner world and the other is our outer world and according to Zen philosophy, both of these worlds are limitless. The main goal of breathing in this way is so that time just slips away,1875 Ugg Sheepskin Cuff Short Sand Boots. This creates instant karma amongst us and a sense of well being. Posture is also a very important in regards to achieving this state of mind.
This actually coincides with the activity of deep breathing. Standing up straight with shoulders pushed back and head held up high creates an environment that maximizes our ability to take in air, and with that we produce more oxygen in our blood streams causing us to be more physically alert to what is going on around us. Both of these lead into the last aspect that I will discuss and that is being able to give up control of our mind, even if it's just fr a short period of time throughout our days. Doing this will enable us to have a calmness about us that is not possible otherwise.
Don't think that you have to shell out a bunch of money to purchase these critical books. Most libraries contain a sufficient amount of books on the topic, from the classics to the new releases. All individuals need is a library card and the motivation to read and learn. Although individuals can save money this way, it may be beneficial to purchase books that are favorites in order to highlight important passages, make important notations in the margins, etc.
As a society we crave the sense of well being and sanity that can be brought about by Zen and self development books. This is why reading and studying about the lifestyle can bring about is so beneficial. Instead of constantly being on the go we can force ourselves not to escape reality, but we can use this to focus our attentions on what is really important. In a nutshell, it gives us the inner fortitude to not sweat the small stuff and focus our energies on the big picture.
Thursday, November 8, 2012
There are mental disorders
Gender and the Narcissist
In the manifestation of their narcissism, female and male narcissists, inevitably, do tend to differ. They emphasise different things. They transform different elements of their personality and of their life into the cornerstones of their disorder.
Women concentrate on their body (as they do in eating disorders: Anorexia Nervosa and Bulimia Nervosa). They flaunt and exploit their physical charms, their sexuality, their socially and culturally determined "femininity". They secure their Narcissistic Supply through their more traditional gender role: the home, children,1875 Ugg Sheepskin Cuff Short Sand Boots, suitable careers, their husbands ("the wife of"), their feminine traits, their role in society, etc.
It is no wonder than narcissists both men and women are chauvinistic and conservative. They depend to such an extent on the opinions of people around them that, with time, they are transformed into ultra-sensitive seismographs of public opinion, barometers of prevailing winds and guardians of conformity. Narcissists cannot afford to seriously alienate those who reflect to them their False Self. The very proper and on-going functioning of their Ego depends on the goodwill and the collaboration of their human environment.
True, besieged and consumed by pernicious guilt feelings many a narcissist finally seek to be punished. The self-destructive narcissist then plays the role of the "bad guy" (or "bad girl"). But even then it is within the traditional socially allocated roles. To ensure social opprobrium (read: attention), the narcissist exaggerates these roles to a caricature. A woman is likely to self-label herself a "whore" and a male narcissist to self-style himself a "vicious, unrepentant criminal". Yet, these again are traditional social roles. Men are likely to emphasise intellect, power, aggression, money, or social status. Women are likely to emphasise body, looks, charm, sexuality, feminine "traits", homemaking, children and childrearing even as they seek their masochistic punishment.
Another difference is in the way the genders react to treatment. Women are more likely to resort to therapy because they are more likely to admit to psychological problems. But while men may be less inclined to DISCLOSE or to expose their problems to others (the macho-man factor) it does not necessarily imply that they are less prone to admit it to themselves. Women are also more likely to ask for help than men.
Yet, the prime rule of narcissism must never be forgotten: the narcissist uses everything around him or her to obtain his (or her) Narcissistic Supply. Children happen to be more available to the female narcissist due to the still prevailing prejudiced structure of our society and to the fact that women are the ones to give birth. It is easier for a woman to think of her children as her extensions because they once indeed were her physical extensions and because her on-going interaction with them is both more intensive and more extensive.
This means that the male narcissist is more likely to regard his children as a nuisance than as a source of rewarding Narcissist Supply especially as they grow and become autonomous,7. Be More Social. Devoid of the diversity of alternatives available to men the narcissistic woman fights to maintain her most reliable Source of Supply: her children. Through insidious indoctrination, guilt formation, emotional sanctions, deprivation and other psychological mechanisms, she tries to induce in them a dependence, which cannot be easily unravelled.
But, there is no psychodynamic difference between children, money, or intellect, as Sources of Narcissistic Supply. So, there is no psychodynamic difference between male and female narcissist. The only difference is in their choices of Sources of Narcissistic Supply,an advocate.
An interesting side issue relates to transsexuals.
Philosophically, there is little difference between a narcissist who seeks to avoid his True Self (and positively to become his False Self) and a transsexual who seeks to not be his true gender. But this similarity, though superficially appealing, is questionable.
People sometimes seek sex reassignment because of advantages and opportunities which, they believe, are enjoyed by the other sex. This rather unrealistic (fantastic) view of the other is faintly narcissistic. It includes elements of idealised over-valuation, of self-preoccupation, and of objectification of one's self (THAT which have all the advantages is what we want to become). It demonstrates a deficient ability to empathise and some grandiose sense of entitlement ("I deserve to have the best opportunities/advantages") and omnipotence ("I can be whatever I want to be despite nature/God").
This feeling of entitlement is especially manifest in some gender dysphoric individuals who aggressively pursue hormonal or surgical treatment. They feel that it is their inalienable right to receive it on demand and without any strictures or restrictions. For instance, they oftentimes refuse to undergo psychological evaluation or treatment as a condition for the hormonal or surgical treatment.
It is interesting to note that both narcissism and gender dysphoria are early childhood phenomena. This could be explained by problematic Primary Objects, dysfunctional families, or a common genetic or biochemical problem,Whatever the reason. It is too early to say which. As yet, there isn't even an agreed typology of gender identity disorders let alone an in-depth comprehension of their sources.
There are mental disorders, which afflict a specific sex more often. This has to do with hormonal or other physiological dispositions, with social and cultural conditioning through the socialisation process, and with role assignment through the gender differentiation process. None of these seem to be strongly correlated to the formation of malignant narcissism. The Narcissistic Personality Disorder (as opposed, for instance, to the Borderline or the Histrionic Personality Disorders, which afflict women more than men) seems to conform to social mores and to the prevailing ethos of capitalism. Social thinkers like Lasch speculated that modern American culture a narcissistic, self-centred one increases the rate of incidence of the Narcissistic Personality Disorder. To this Kernberg answered, rightly:
"The most I would be willing to say is that society can make serious psychological abnormalities, which already exist in some percentage of the population, seem to be at least superficially appropriate."
Quotes from the Literature
"Specifically, past research suggests that exploitive tendencies and open displays of feelings of entitlement will be less integral to narcissism for females than for males. For females such displays may carry a greater possibility of negative social sanctions because they would violate stereotypical gender-role expectancies for women, who are expected to engage in such positive social behavior as being tender, compassionate, warm, sympathetic, sensitive, and understanding.
In females, Exploitiveness/Entitlement is less well-integrated with the other components of narcissism as measured by the Narcissistic Personality Inventory (NPI) - Leadership/Authority, Self-absorption/Self-admiration, and Superiority/Arrogance- than in males - though 'male and female narcissists in general showed striking similarities in the manner in which most of the facets of narcissism were integrated with each other'."
Gender differences in the structure of narcissism: a multi-sample analysis of the narcissistic personality inventory - Brian T. Tschanz, Carolyn C. Morf, Charles W. Turner - Sex Roles: A Journal of Research - Issue: May, 1998
"Women leaders are evaluated negatively if they exercise their authority and are perceived as autocratic."
Eagly, A. H., Makhijani, M. G., & Klonsky, B. G. (1992). Gender and the evaluation of leaders: A meta-analysis. Psychological Bulletin, 111, 3-22, and ...
Butler, D., & Gels, F. L. (1990). Nonverbal affect responses to male and female leaders: Implications for leadership evaluations. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 58, 48-59.
"Competent women must also appear to be sociable and likable in order to influence men - men must only appear to be competent to achieve the same results with both genders."
Carli, L. L., Lafleur, S. J., & Loeber, C. C. (1995). Nonverbal behavior, gender, and influence. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 68, 1030-1041.
In the manifestation of their narcissism, female and male narcissists, inevitably, do tend to differ. They emphasise different things. They transform different elements of their personality and of their life into the cornerstones of their disorder.
Women concentrate on their body (as they do in eating disorders: Anorexia Nervosa and Bulimia Nervosa). They flaunt and exploit their physical charms, their sexuality, their socially and culturally determined "femininity". They secure their Narcissistic Supply through their more traditional gender role: the home, children,1875 Ugg Sheepskin Cuff Short Sand Boots, suitable careers, their husbands ("the wife of"), their feminine traits, their role in society, etc.
It is no wonder than narcissists both men and women are chauvinistic and conservative. They depend to such an extent on the opinions of people around them that, with time, they are transformed into ultra-sensitive seismographs of public opinion, barometers of prevailing winds and guardians of conformity. Narcissists cannot afford to seriously alienate those who reflect to them their False Self. The very proper and on-going functioning of their Ego depends on the goodwill and the collaboration of their human environment.
True, besieged and consumed by pernicious guilt feelings many a narcissist finally seek to be punished. The self-destructive narcissist then plays the role of the "bad guy" (or "bad girl"). But even then it is within the traditional socially allocated roles. To ensure social opprobrium (read: attention), the narcissist exaggerates these roles to a caricature. A woman is likely to self-label herself a "whore" and a male narcissist to self-style himself a "vicious, unrepentant criminal". Yet, these again are traditional social roles. Men are likely to emphasise intellect, power, aggression, money, or social status. Women are likely to emphasise body, looks, charm, sexuality, feminine "traits", homemaking, children and childrearing even as they seek their masochistic punishment.
Another difference is in the way the genders react to treatment. Women are more likely to resort to therapy because they are more likely to admit to psychological problems. But while men may be less inclined to DISCLOSE or to expose their problems to others (the macho-man factor) it does not necessarily imply that they are less prone to admit it to themselves. Women are also more likely to ask for help than men.
Yet, the prime rule of narcissism must never be forgotten: the narcissist uses everything around him or her to obtain his (or her) Narcissistic Supply. Children happen to be more available to the female narcissist due to the still prevailing prejudiced structure of our society and to the fact that women are the ones to give birth. It is easier for a woman to think of her children as her extensions because they once indeed were her physical extensions and because her on-going interaction with them is both more intensive and more extensive.
This means that the male narcissist is more likely to regard his children as a nuisance than as a source of rewarding Narcissist Supply especially as they grow and become autonomous,7. Be More Social. Devoid of the diversity of alternatives available to men the narcissistic woman fights to maintain her most reliable Source of Supply: her children. Through insidious indoctrination, guilt formation, emotional sanctions, deprivation and other psychological mechanisms, she tries to induce in them a dependence, which cannot be easily unravelled.
But, there is no psychodynamic difference between children, money, or intellect, as Sources of Narcissistic Supply. So, there is no psychodynamic difference between male and female narcissist. The only difference is in their choices of Sources of Narcissistic Supply,an advocate.
An interesting side issue relates to transsexuals.
Philosophically, there is little difference between a narcissist who seeks to avoid his True Self (and positively to become his False Self) and a transsexual who seeks to not be his true gender. But this similarity, though superficially appealing, is questionable.
People sometimes seek sex reassignment because of advantages and opportunities which, they believe, are enjoyed by the other sex. This rather unrealistic (fantastic) view of the other is faintly narcissistic. It includes elements of idealised over-valuation, of self-preoccupation, and of objectification of one's self (THAT which have all the advantages is what we want to become). It demonstrates a deficient ability to empathise and some grandiose sense of entitlement ("I deserve to have the best opportunities/advantages") and omnipotence ("I can be whatever I want to be despite nature/God").
This feeling of entitlement is especially manifest in some gender dysphoric individuals who aggressively pursue hormonal or surgical treatment. They feel that it is their inalienable right to receive it on demand and without any strictures or restrictions. For instance, they oftentimes refuse to undergo psychological evaluation or treatment as a condition for the hormonal or surgical treatment.
It is interesting to note that both narcissism and gender dysphoria are early childhood phenomena. This could be explained by problematic Primary Objects, dysfunctional families, or a common genetic or biochemical problem,Whatever the reason. It is too early to say which. As yet, there isn't even an agreed typology of gender identity disorders let alone an in-depth comprehension of their sources.
There are mental disorders, which afflict a specific sex more often. This has to do with hormonal or other physiological dispositions, with social and cultural conditioning through the socialisation process, and with role assignment through the gender differentiation process. None of these seem to be strongly correlated to the formation of malignant narcissism. The Narcissistic Personality Disorder (as opposed, for instance, to the Borderline or the Histrionic Personality Disorders, which afflict women more than men) seems to conform to social mores and to the prevailing ethos of capitalism. Social thinkers like Lasch speculated that modern American culture a narcissistic, self-centred one increases the rate of incidence of the Narcissistic Personality Disorder. To this Kernberg answered, rightly:
"The most I would be willing to say is that society can make serious psychological abnormalities, which already exist in some percentage of the population, seem to be at least superficially appropriate."
Quotes from the Literature
"Specifically, past research suggests that exploitive tendencies and open displays of feelings of entitlement will be less integral to narcissism for females than for males. For females such displays may carry a greater possibility of negative social sanctions because they would violate stereotypical gender-role expectancies for women, who are expected to engage in such positive social behavior as being tender, compassionate, warm, sympathetic, sensitive, and understanding.
In females, Exploitiveness/Entitlement is less well-integrated with the other components of narcissism as measured by the Narcissistic Personality Inventory (NPI) - Leadership/Authority, Self-absorption/Self-admiration, and Superiority/Arrogance- than in males - though 'male and female narcissists in general showed striking similarities in the manner in which most of the facets of narcissism were integrated with each other'."
Gender differences in the structure of narcissism: a multi-sample analysis of the narcissistic personality inventory - Brian T. Tschanz, Carolyn C. Morf, Charles W. Turner - Sex Roles: A Journal of Research - Issue: May, 1998
"Women leaders are evaluated negatively if they exercise their authority and are perceived as autocratic."
Eagly, A. H., Makhijani, M. G., & Klonsky, B. G. (1992). Gender and the evaluation of leaders: A meta-analysis. Psychological Bulletin, 111, 3-22, and ...
Butler, D., & Gels, F. L. (1990). Nonverbal affect responses to male and female leaders: Implications for leadership evaluations. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 58, 48-59.
"Competent women must also appear to be sociable and likable in order to influence men - men must only appear to be competent to achieve the same results with both genders."
Carli, L. L., Lafleur, S. J., & Loeber, C. C. (1995). Nonverbal behavior, gender, and influence. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 68, 1030-1041.
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
you need to improve your own communication skills.
How to Communicate Better in 3 Simple Steps by Peter Murphy
Do you ever leave conversations at work wondering why you bothered opening your mouth? Do you sometimes wonder how many times you have to tell somebody something in order for them to get it right? Do you feel that just don't listen? If so,1875 Ugg Sheepskin Cuff Short Sand Boots, then perhaps you need to know how to communicate better.
Communication failure is one of the biggest problems faced by businesses today, especially by their managers whose job it is to solve these communication problems; if you learn how to communicate better you can prevent these communication difficulties happening at all.
You know you are heading for communication problems when it appears that the other person has stopped listening to you even before you have finished talking. You get the hint when you can't attract everyones attention when you speak at meetings or when you are not getting anything back from the other person with whom you are attempting to have a conversation.
You can't blame other people for this and you can't change the way that people listen to you; you need to improve your own communication skills.
1. Pause for thought
People are only capable of listening for so long. That attention span becomes shorter if they disagree with you or become confused, so when you see your audience's eyes glazing over, you know it's time to stop talking,One of my favorite quotes comes from John Powell. In his book. Hopefully you will have stopped before that point. If you really want to communicate better, you have to listen too. Find out what other people are thinking; not only is that the polite thing to do but it also enables you to find out what people do not understand or what the resistances are to what you are saying.
2. Keep to the point
State your points clearly and simply with no mistakes in order to be easily understood. Signal what you are going to talk about from your very first sentence by stating your aim right away. Then the rest of your talk should be the way you expand upon it and illustrate your point of view. You can ask for feedback later or allow brainstorming of ideas if you wish, but make your point clearly first to avoid confusion. At the end, you should summarize any decisions that are made and make each person's responsibilities for action clear. Make sure each person that needs to do something after the communication has a SMART target.
3. Watch your tone
You should speak to others as you wish them to speak to you, without arrogance, hostility or sarcasm,Once everyone had arrived. Make sure you speak loud enough to be heard but not so loud that your tone appears aggressive. Speak with authority, having thought out your words; you will be much more credible to your audience. If you have a strong regional accent you should try to soften that and make your dialect and accent more standard, to avoid confusing your audience who may not be from the same region.
You don't have to neutralize your accent completely as an accent can be very endearing, but you need to make sure the way you speak is standardized enough to be understood by others,of abandonment.
You need to learn how to communicate better because communicating well is the best way to ensure that you are listened to and understood by others.
Do you ever leave conversations at work wondering why you bothered opening your mouth? Do you sometimes wonder how many times you have to tell somebody something in order for them to get it right? Do you feel that just don't listen? If so,1875 Ugg Sheepskin Cuff Short Sand Boots, then perhaps you need to know how to communicate better.
Communication failure is one of the biggest problems faced by businesses today, especially by their managers whose job it is to solve these communication problems; if you learn how to communicate better you can prevent these communication difficulties happening at all.
You know you are heading for communication problems when it appears that the other person has stopped listening to you even before you have finished talking. You get the hint when you can't attract everyones attention when you speak at meetings or when you are not getting anything back from the other person with whom you are attempting to have a conversation.
You can't blame other people for this and you can't change the way that people listen to you; you need to improve your own communication skills.
1. Pause for thought
People are only capable of listening for so long. That attention span becomes shorter if they disagree with you or become confused, so when you see your audience's eyes glazing over, you know it's time to stop talking,One of my favorite quotes comes from John Powell. In his book. Hopefully you will have stopped before that point. If you really want to communicate better, you have to listen too. Find out what other people are thinking; not only is that the polite thing to do but it also enables you to find out what people do not understand or what the resistances are to what you are saying.
2. Keep to the point
State your points clearly and simply with no mistakes in order to be easily understood. Signal what you are going to talk about from your very first sentence by stating your aim right away. Then the rest of your talk should be the way you expand upon it and illustrate your point of view. You can ask for feedback later or allow brainstorming of ideas if you wish, but make your point clearly first to avoid confusion. At the end, you should summarize any decisions that are made and make each person's responsibilities for action clear. Make sure each person that needs to do something after the communication has a SMART target.
3. Watch your tone
You should speak to others as you wish them to speak to you, without arrogance, hostility or sarcasm,Once everyone had arrived. Make sure you speak loud enough to be heard but not so loud that your tone appears aggressive. Speak with authority, having thought out your words; you will be much more credible to your audience. If you have a strong regional accent you should try to soften that and make your dialect and accent more standard, to avoid confusing your audience who may not be from the same region.
You don't have to neutralize your accent completely as an accent can be very endearing, but you need to make sure the way you speak is standardized enough to be understood by others,of abandonment.
You need to learn how to communicate better because communicating well is the best way to ensure that you are listened to and understood by others.
Monday, November 5, 2012
Evaluation is shown by a closed hand resting on the chin or cheek
The Truth About Jimmy Hills Chin: Hand To Face Body Language by Adam Eason
I refer often to a particular group of people that have influenced me more than any other. I have a close group of friends that I went to school with and we played football together and keep as best friends despite all leading very different lives today. At school we called ourselves the A-Team and we tend to still refer to ourselves as that when we have get-togethers.
I spoke to one of them just this week gone and we were laughing like crazy at something that we used to do as kids at school. It was not an exclusive A-Team trait, all the kids did it,1875 Ugg Sheepskin Cuff Short Sand Boots. What was this thing? Whenever we did not believe anything that someone had said to us, we would stroke our chin and say "Oooh yeaah... Jimmy Hill"
This sounds crazy doesn't it? The man that used to introduce Match of the day on Saturday nights with the football highlights of the day was called Jimmy Hill. An ex-England and Fulham football player and had become the country's most famous pundit. Unmistakably characterised by his pointed, wispy beard that he had on his chin. We would rub our chins and mimic Jimmy Hill to demonstrate that we did not believe something that they had told us.
Especially as one of our friends used to tell us his Dad played for Manchester United, was also a formula one racing driver and his older brother had won the worlds strongest man competition! "Oh yeah... Jimmy Hill...."
The Jimmy Hill gesture was not far off the mark as far as hand to face gestures go to indicate deceit or that you suspect deceit. Hand to face gestures tell us so much.
When I mention certain hand-to-cheek gestures and hand-to-chin gestures, these can also be noticed and assessed to gauge the temperature of the person's attitude to you and your presentation or communication. It can often tell you how well you are doing with that communication.
Boredom can be noticed with body language quite obviously. If the person is snoring loudly and yawning, then they either had a late night or you may not be stimulating their brain as much as would be beneficial or desirable.
When any listener begins to use their hands to support their head, it is a signal that boredom may well have set in and they are holding their head up to stop them falling asleep. Often, the degree of the listener's boredom is related to the extent to which the arm and hand are supporting the head.
It usually begins with the chin being supported by the thumb and then by the fist as interest dissipates further. If the head is fully supported by the hands, this is usually the ultimate boredom signal.
Many people think that if a person is tapping continually with their fingers or the feet upon the floor, that these are boredom signals too. They are actually more likely to be displaying impatience. If you are speaking to an individual or a group and their are boredom gestures accompanied by a continual impatient tapping, then it may be time to change tack or leave!
Evaluation is shown by a closed hand resting on the chin or cheek, often with the index finger pointing upwards. When the person begins to lose interest but still wants to appear interested for courtesy's sake, the position will alter so that the heel of the palm supports the head as boredom sets in.
When I have worked with company's department heads or section leaders often use this gesture to make out that they are interested in what a director is saying, even if they are being boring or dull. Unfortunately though, as soon as the hand begins to support the head in any way, it gives the game away and the director is likely to sense the insincerity in this gesture.
Genuine interest is shown when the hand lightly rests on the cheek and is not used as a head support. When the index finger points vertically up the cheek and the thumb supports the chin, the listener is having negative or critical thoughts about the speaker or the subject they are communicating.
This gesture is often mistaken as a signal of interest, but the supporting thumb under the chin often tells the truth about the critical attitude.
Maybe you have seen Rodin's "The Thinker" that showed a thoughtful, evaluative attitude. If not, you can google pictures online.
On any future occasion when you have the opportunity to present an idea to a group of people,"We can't do that, watch them carefully as you give your idea and you may notice that most will bring one hand up to their face and use an evaluation gesture. When you come to the end of your presentation and ask the group to give opinions, feedback or suggestions about your ideas, the evaluation gestures usually stop and a chin stroking gesture begins. This chin stroke is the signal that the listener is going through the decision making process.
When you've asked the listeners for their decision and they start chin stroking, their next gestures will signal whether their decision is negative or positive. Your best strategy is to stay quiet and watch their next gestures,When my wife and I were searching for a new Las Vegas home in 2002, which will indicate the decision reached. For example, if the chin stroke is followed by crossed arms and legs and the person sits back in their chair, it's a fair bet the answer is going to be "no." This gives an early opportunity to resell the benefits before the other person verbalises "no" and makes it harder to reach an agreement.
If the chin stroke is followed by leaning forward with arms open or picking up your proposal or sample, chances are you have a "yes" and can proceed as if you have an agreement.
Someone who wears glasses sometimes follows an evaluation gesture by taking off their glasses and putting one arm of the frame in their mouth instead of using the chin stroke when making their decision. Sometimes, when a person puts their pen or a finger in their mouth after you've asked for a decision, it is a signal that they are unsure and reassurance is needed. The object in the mouth allows that person to stall and not feel any urgency in giving an immediate response.
Sometimes boredom,yet can convey a lot of things. For some, evaluation and decision-making gestures come in combinations, each showing different elements of the person's attitude.
Head slapping Like Homer Simpson: Doh!
When you say that a person is a "pain in the neck", you are referring to the ancient reaction of the tiny erector pillae muscles on the neck - often called goosebumps - attempting to make your non-existent fur pelt stand on end to make yourself appear more intimidating because you are feeling threatened or angry.
It is the same hair-raising reaction an angry dog has when confronted by another potentially hostile dog. This reaction causes the tingling feeling you experience on the back of your neck when you feel frustrated or fearful. You'll usually rub your hand over the area to satisfy the sensation.
Let us assume, for example, that you asked someone to do a small favour for you and that they had forgotten to do it. When you ask them for the result, they slap either their forehead (like Homer does) or back of the neck, as if they were symbolically beating themselves.
Although slapping of the head is used to communicate forgetfulness, it's important to watch whether they slap the forehead or neck. If they slap their forehead, they signal that they are not intimidated by you mentioning their forgetfulness. When they slap the back of their neck to satisfy the raised erector pillae muscles, however, it tells you that you are literally a "pain in the neck" for mentioning it. If the person slaps their own backside, then...... ;-)
Acquiring the ability to interpret hand to face gestures accurately as discussed last week and this week, does take time and observation. Of course, there are no real hard and fast rules and each must be taken in context to get a good feel for.
When a person uses any of the hand to face gestures I mentioned last week and this, it is reasonable to assume a negative thought has entered the mind. The question is however, what is the negative thought? It could be doubt, deceit, uncertainty, exaggeration, apprehension or blatant lying. The real skill is the ability to interpret which negative is the correct one.
I refer often to a particular group of people that have influenced me more than any other. I have a close group of friends that I went to school with and we played football together and keep as best friends despite all leading very different lives today. At school we called ourselves the A-Team and we tend to still refer to ourselves as that when we have get-togethers.
I spoke to one of them just this week gone and we were laughing like crazy at something that we used to do as kids at school. It was not an exclusive A-Team trait, all the kids did it,1875 Ugg Sheepskin Cuff Short Sand Boots. What was this thing? Whenever we did not believe anything that someone had said to us, we would stroke our chin and say "Oooh yeaah... Jimmy Hill"
This sounds crazy doesn't it? The man that used to introduce Match of the day on Saturday nights with the football highlights of the day was called Jimmy Hill. An ex-England and Fulham football player and had become the country's most famous pundit. Unmistakably characterised by his pointed, wispy beard that he had on his chin. We would rub our chins and mimic Jimmy Hill to demonstrate that we did not believe something that they had told us.
Especially as one of our friends used to tell us his Dad played for Manchester United, was also a formula one racing driver and his older brother had won the worlds strongest man competition! "Oh yeah... Jimmy Hill...."
The Jimmy Hill gesture was not far off the mark as far as hand to face gestures go to indicate deceit or that you suspect deceit. Hand to face gestures tell us so much.
When I mention certain hand-to-cheek gestures and hand-to-chin gestures, these can also be noticed and assessed to gauge the temperature of the person's attitude to you and your presentation or communication. It can often tell you how well you are doing with that communication.
Boredom can be noticed with body language quite obviously. If the person is snoring loudly and yawning, then they either had a late night or you may not be stimulating their brain as much as would be beneficial or desirable.
When any listener begins to use their hands to support their head, it is a signal that boredom may well have set in and they are holding their head up to stop them falling asleep. Often, the degree of the listener's boredom is related to the extent to which the arm and hand are supporting the head.
It usually begins with the chin being supported by the thumb and then by the fist as interest dissipates further. If the head is fully supported by the hands, this is usually the ultimate boredom signal.
Many people think that if a person is tapping continually with their fingers or the feet upon the floor, that these are boredom signals too. They are actually more likely to be displaying impatience. If you are speaking to an individual or a group and their are boredom gestures accompanied by a continual impatient tapping, then it may be time to change tack or leave!
Evaluation is shown by a closed hand resting on the chin or cheek, often with the index finger pointing upwards. When the person begins to lose interest but still wants to appear interested for courtesy's sake, the position will alter so that the heel of the palm supports the head as boredom sets in.
When I have worked with company's department heads or section leaders often use this gesture to make out that they are interested in what a director is saying, even if they are being boring or dull. Unfortunately though, as soon as the hand begins to support the head in any way, it gives the game away and the director is likely to sense the insincerity in this gesture.
Genuine interest is shown when the hand lightly rests on the cheek and is not used as a head support. When the index finger points vertically up the cheek and the thumb supports the chin, the listener is having negative or critical thoughts about the speaker or the subject they are communicating.
This gesture is often mistaken as a signal of interest, but the supporting thumb under the chin often tells the truth about the critical attitude.
Maybe you have seen Rodin's "The Thinker" that showed a thoughtful, evaluative attitude. If not, you can google pictures online.
On any future occasion when you have the opportunity to present an idea to a group of people,"We can't do that, watch them carefully as you give your idea and you may notice that most will bring one hand up to their face and use an evaluation gesture. When you come to the end of your presentation and ask the group to give opinions, feedback or suggestions about your ideas, the evaluation gestures usually stop and a chin stroking gesture begins. This chin stroke is the signal that the listener is going through the decision making process.
When you've asked the listeners for their decision and they start chin stroking, their next gestures will signal whether their decision is negative or positive. Your best strategy is to stay quiet and watch their next gestures,When my wife and I were searching for a new Las Vegas home in 2002, which will indicate the decision reached. For example, if the chin stroke is followed by crossed arms and legs and the person sits back in their chair, it's a fair bet the answer is going to be "no." This gives an early opportunity to resell the benefits before the other person verbalises "no" and makes it harder to reach an agreement.
If the chin stroke is followed by leaning forward with arms open or picking up your proposal or sample, chances are you have a "yes" and can proceed as if you have an agreement.
Someone who wears glasses sometimes follows an evaluation gesture by taking off their glasses and putting one arm of the frame in their mouth instead of using the chin stroke when making their decision. Sometimes, when a person puts their pen or a finger in their mouth after you've asked for a decision, it is a signal that they are unsure and reassurance is needed. The object in the mouth allows that person to stall and not feel any urgency in giving an immediate response.
Sometimes boredom,yet can convey a lot of things. For some, evaluation and decision-making gestures come in combinations, each showing different elements of the person's attitude.
Head slapping Like Homer Simpson: Doh!
When you say that a person is a "pain in the neck", you are referring to the ancient reaction of the tiny erector pillae muscles on the neck - often called goosebumps - attempting to make your non-existent fur pelt stand on end to make yourself appear more intimidating because you are feeling threatened or angry.
It is the same hair-raising reaction an angry dog has when confronted by another potentially hostile dog. This reaction causes the tingling feeling you experience on the back of your neck when you feel frustrated or fearful. You'll usually rub your hand over the area to satisfy the sensation.
Let us assume, for example, that you asked someone to do a small favour for you and that they had forgotten to do it. When you ask them for the result, they slap either their forehead (like Homer does) or back of the neck, as if they were symbolically beating themselves.
Although slapping of the head is used to communicate forgetfulness, it's important to watch whether they slap the forehead or neck. If they slap their forehead, they signal that they are not intimidated by you mentioning their forgetfulness. When they slap the back of their neck to satisfy the raised erector pillae muscles, however, it tells you that you are literally a "pain in the neck" for mentioning it. If the person slaps their own backside, then...... ;-)
Acquiring the ability to interpret hand to face gestures accurately as discussed last week and this week, does take time and observation. Of course, there are no real hard and fast rules and each must be taken in context to get a good feel for.
When a person uses any of the hand to face gestures I mentioned last week and this, it is reasonable to assume a negative thought has entered the mind. The question is however, what is the negative thought? It could be doubt, deceit, uncertainty, exaggeration, apprehension or blatant lying. The real skill is the ability to interpret which negative is the correct one.
Saturday, November 3, 2012
Without training
Mindfulness and Teaching: Lessons From Dynamic English
Back in 1983, I was hired to teach English in rural northern Japan. I had no experience teaching,about your past, and didn't speak a work of Japanese,If you answered "yes" to any two of the above questions.
No matter—I had the requisite four-year college degree and a thirst for adventure,1875 Ugg Sheepskin Cuff Short Sand Boots.
My employer/boss/teaching partner was Grif Frost, a 27-year-old budding entrepreneur who had married the Japanese exchange student who had once lived with his family. He ended up living near his wife's parents in Mutsu, and did what any self-respecting English-speaking person did in Japan in 1982—he started an English school.
Now, Grif had no experience teaching, either. He had a master's in International Management and a couple of toddlers at home. He was the token foreigner in Mutsu, and figured he might as well put it to good use.
Without training, he developed an approach he called "Dynamic English"—a high-energy, full-body, take-no-prisoners form of English as pure entertainment. He focused on presenting classes that were "Fast, Fun and Friendly", and was notorious for his colorful puppets, loud singing, dramatic storytelling, and excessive sweating.
As his partner, I picked up on the style quickly. Soon, I was causing my own stampedes of 3-year-olds and getting my share of notoriety for creative book-reading. In one memorable moment, I was spreading my arms wide to demonstrate the concept of "big" when my blouse burst open. Talk about a visual aid!
We became something like rock stars among the kindergarten children. Imagine a hundred Japanese five-year-olds seeing big white Americans with squeaky oversized plastic mallets (great for elimination during "Simon Says"), an overflowing bag of what looked suspiciously like toys, and boisterous "Good Morning!" greetings. The kids would literally fall over laughing at our stunts, and never got tired of our silly songs and wild games.
We were doing what came naturally—fully engaging the students in a way that created real awareness of language, objects, directions, shapes," If you're a parent and you're feeling a little burned out by your child's demands, colors, and verbal and musical sounds. Our older students were thrilled with this active approach, so different from the "This is a pen" lessons they'd chanted in their mandatory English classes in middle school. By providing new triggers, surprising methods, and hilarious material, we were offering novel stimuli, fresh perspective, and 100% focus on the present.
Little did we know that a Harvard psychologist would later describe these same characteristics as essential for mindful learning! Dr. Ellen Langer, author of The Power of Mindful Learning, talks about the importance of being open to novelty, drawing distinctions, being aware of differing contexts and perspectives, and orienting in the present.
Learning a language can be incredibly tedious or outrageously active and exciting. We played with English and our students not only learned the lessons quickly but laughed heartily, burned calories, and created a whole new mindset about what it takes to learn something new.
Grif relied on mindful learning in developing his approach to teaching English—he was completely open from the beginning, and was never hampered by ideas of what teaching should look like.
He was creative about using games and songs he'd loved as a kid and turning them into fresh and powerful tools for teaching. He shifted the lesson plans when dealing with various age groups and English levels, and constantly improved his approach by paying attention to the responses and being fearless about making changes and trying out new ideas.
Years later, I am delighted to find myself applying this approach to teaching mindfulness. Instead of sticking with the meditation lesson plan, I've opted for the excitement of learning mindfulness in a way that is thoroughly engaging and surprisingly active. In fact, the basic guidelines for Real-World Mindfulness Training are remarkably similar to those for Dynamic English:
Stay open to new things—including your approach to learning in general.
Look for subtle differences in similar objects or ideas.
Discover new uses for old tools.
Explore shifting perspectives.
Shake up stale notions.
Engage all senses.
Get physical whenever possible.
Jump into the moment wholeheartedly.
Be sure to have fun every single day.
Whether you're learning a language or developing mindfulness, the key is this: keep it dynamic.
And never underestimate the value of large squeaky plastic mallets. Just imagine how much fun it would be to use one in a room full of meditators!
Back in 1983, I was hired to teach English in rural northern Japan. I had no experience teaching,about your past, and didn't speak a work of Japanese,If you answered "yes" to any two of the above questions.
No matter—I had the requisite four-year college degree and a thirst for adventure,1875 Ugg Sheepskin Cuff Short Sand Boots.
My employer/boss/teaching partner was Grif Frost, a 27-year-old budding entrepreneur who had married the Japanese exchange student who had once lived with his family. He ended up living near his wife's parents in Mutsu, and did what any self-respecting English-speaking person did in Japan in 1982—he started an English school.
Now, Grif had no experience teaching, either. He had a master's in International Management and a couple of toddlers at home. He was the token foreigner in Mutsu, and figured he might as well put it to good use.
Without training, he developed an approach he called "Dynamic English"—a high-energy, full-body, take-no-prisoners form of English as pure entertainment. He focused on presenting classes that were "Fast, Fun and Friendly", and was notorious for his colorful puppets, loud singing, dramatic storytelling, and excessive sweating.
As his partner, I picked up on the style quickly. Soon, I was causing my own stampedes of 3-year-olds and getting my share of notoriety for creative book-reading. In one memorable moment, I was spreading my arms wide to demonstrate the concept of "big" when my blouse burst open. Talk about a visual aid!
We became something like rock stars among the kindergarten children. Imagine a hundred Japanese five-year-olds seeing big white Americans with squeaky oversized plastic mallets (great for elimination during "Simon Says"), an overflowing bag of what looked suspiciously like toys, and boisterous "Good Morning!" greetings. The kids would literally fall over laughing at our stunts, and never got tired of our silly songs and wild games.
We were doing what came naturally—fully engaging the students in a way that created real awareness of language, objects, directions, shapes," If you're a parent and you're feeling a little burned out by your child's demands, colors, and verbal and musical sounds. Our older students were thrilled with this active approach, so different from the "This is a pen" lessons they'd chanted in their mandatory English classes in middle school. By providing new triggers, surprising methods, and hilarious material, we were offering novel stimuli, fresh perspective, and 100% focus on the present.
Little did we know that a Harvard psychologist would later describe these same characteristics as essential for mindful learning! Dr. Ellen Langer, author of The Power of Mindful Learning, talks about the importance of being open to novelty, drawing distinctions, being aware of differing contexts and perspectives, and orienting in the present.
Learning a language can be incredibly tedious or outrageously active and exciting. We played with English and our students not only learned the lessons quickly but laughed heartily, burned calories, and created a whole new mindset about what it takes to learn something new.
Grif relied on mindful learning in developing his approach to teaching English—he was completely open from the beginning, and was never hampered by ideas of what teaching should look like.
He was creative about using games and songs he'd loved as a kid and turning them into fresh and powerful tools for teaching. He shifted the lesson plans when dealing with various age groups and English levels, and constantly improved his approach by paying attention to the responses and being fearless about making changes and trying out new ideas.
Years later, I am delighted to find myself applying this approach to teaching mindfulness. Instead of sticking with the meditation lesson plan, I've opted for the excitement of learning mindfulness in a way that is thoroughly engaging and surprisingly active. In fact, the basic guidelines for Real-World Mindfulness Training are remarkably similar to those for Dynamic English:
Stay open to new things—including your approach to learning in general.
Look for subtle differences in similar objects or ideas.
Discover new uses for old tools.
Explore shifting perspectives.
Shake up stale notions.
Engage all senses.
Get physical whenever possible.
Jump into the moment wholeheartedly.
Be sure to have fun every single day.
Whether you're learning a language or developing mindfulness, the key is this: keep it dynamic.
And never underestimate the value of large squeaky plastic mallets. Just imagine how much fun it would be to use one in a room full of meditators!
Friday, November 2, 2012
"Everybody was kung-fu fighting
Less is More by Peter Fogel
Whether you're a professional public speaker or someone occasionally called upon to speak at company meetings or to prospective clients you want to make sure your audience quickly "gets" your message.
The way to do it is to brand yourself. In other words, to sum up your message with a brief, slogan-like phrase — and build your presentation around that phrase. Sort of like the way Rodney Dangerfield built his act around the hook "I don't get no respect."
Surf the websites of successful marketers and you'll see how they are branding themselves — and their messages — for their fans and customers.
Yes, big companies like Coke do it (Coke is it!) but that doesn't mean the little guy can't do it too!
For instance, I've branded myself as The Reinvention Guy and my message as Business Success Through Reinvention.
My fellow author and speaker, Dr. Matthew Norton, has branded himself as America's Holistic Doctor. My colleague Mark Mayfield uses the slogan Solid Business Wisdom, Brilliant Comedic Style.
The beauty of using tag lines/slogans in your speeches and marketing materials is that your targeted audience will retain more of your message. Best of all, they will remember you.
Simply put, effective branding allows you to get into their hearts and minds!
Okay, let's say you're not a professional speaker. Let's say you're a hardworking staff member in an information marketing company. You're spearheading an important sales promotion. And TODAY, you're presenting your ideas to your tough-as-nails CEO.
You know your boss is a no-nonsense guy who's not easily impressed. You also know that if you can communicate your ideas effectively to your boss, that can open more doors for you at the company especially if the sales promotion is a — CHA-CHING,your work or outside work interests! — success.
You have only has few moments to make an impact on your boss before he heads off to a jujitsu class and punishes an unsuspecting soul into submission. That means you have to come up with a phrase that instantly gets your message across.
Here are seven ways to accomplish your mission:
1. Ask yourself "What's the main point I want to make?"
Let's say you're trying to sell a copywriting program to people who don't know anything about the copywriting profession. You want to make the point that good marketing copy is vital to a company's success. So your slogan could be something like "Remember — when it comes to making sales Copy Is King!
2. K.I.S.S. (not the rock band)
The best slogans use five words or less. Think of "Arnold" saying "I'll be back!" or Dirty Harry saying "C'mon,1875 Ugg Sheepskin Cuff Short Sand Boots, make my day!"
In other words, K.I.S.S. — Keep It Simple, Stupid!
You might remember that when Bill Clinton campaigned against George Bush, he used a slogan that was roughly based on that K.I.S.S. acronym: I.T.E.S. — It's the Economy, Stupid! And if you were selling a marketing program, you might do something similar
"If you want to exponentially grow your company year and year out, if you want a fail-safe method to accomplish this you absolutely must adhere to the I.T.M.S principal — It's the Marketing, Stupid!"
3. Use rhythm.
"It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that swing."
Slogans with a musical rhythm to them are easier to grasp, remember, and internalize,or you have been doing nothing. "Something" is more likely to have results than "nothing. You know how easy it is to remember nursery rhymes — and how hard it is to get a favorite song out of your head. ("Everybody was kung-fu fighting!" Yes, I am aging myself now.) Same idea.
4. Create a slogan that fits your message — and only your message — like a glove.
Try not to use a slogan that's been done to death — even if it is perfect for your message. Giving a speech on how to improve self-confidence in the competitive business world? How about "First Believe Then Achieve"? Giving a speech on nutrition? How about "Look Before You Eat!"?
5. Play with words.
Reinforce your core message by expressing it in an unusual or fun way,"Renounce and rejoice." It doesn't get much simpler than that..
Words that begin and end with consonants, for example, seem to stick in the brain. One of my favorites: Wassssuuuuuuppp! Or Tony the Tiger's: "They're grrrrrrrrrrrrreat!"
Giving a speech on leadership to your local Chamber of Commerce? Try repetition: Be Accountable Be Straightforward Be Consistent!
Presenting a new dog re-training manual to the head of a pet store franchise? Try a branding line that brings a smile to his lips: Give Your Dog a Whole New Leash on Life!
Speaking of humor for some reason, "k" sounds and "p" sounds are funny. "Ketchup" and "cantaloupe" are funny words. And God bless you if you can somehow incorporate them into your slogan.
6. Tell em what you want em to do.
Your speech should inspire BUT also have a call to action. You want to motivate your audience to take the action that will give them the results you're talking about. So if you can, try incorporating a call to action in your slogan. Nike's "Just Do It" is a great example.
Brainstorm with verbs like "seize," "capture," "conquer," and "grasp" to come up with a slogan with a powerful call to action. (Now, YOU can Master the Art of Persuasive Public Speaking and Earn High Speaking Fees!)
7. Tell em once and tell em again.
You should incorporate your branding phrase about six times in a 60-minute presentation. Always begin with it — and definitely end with it.
Brand yourself, brand your message. Rinse and repeat for continued success.
Oh, and don't be surprised if, at the end of your presentation, when you're mingling with members of your audience, folks start approaching you, slapping you on the back, and repeating your phrase over and over again. That's when you'll know you've done your job!
Whether you're a professional public speaker or someone occasionally called upon to speak at company meetings or to prospective clients you want to make sure your audience quickly "gets" your message.
The way to do it is to brand yourself. In other words, to sum up your message with a brief, slogan-like phrase — and build your presentation around that phrase. Sort of like the way Rodney Dangerfield built his act around the hook "I don't get no respect."
Surf the websites of successful marketers and you'll see how they are branding themselves — and their messages — for their fans and customers.
Yes, big companies like Coke do it (Coke is it!) but that doesn't mean the little guy can't do it too!
For instance, I've branded myself as The Reinvention Guy and my message as Business Success Through Reinvention.
My fellow author and speaker, Dr. Matthew Norton, has branded himself as America's Holistic Doctor. My colleague Mark Mayfield uses the slogan Solid Business Wisdom, Brilliant Comedic Style.
The beauty of using tag lines/slogans in your speeches and marketing materials is that your targeted audience will retain more of your message. Best of all, they will remember you.
Simply put, effective branding allows you to get into their hearts and minds!
Okay, let's say you're not a professional speaker. Let's say you're a hardworking staff member in an information marketing company. You're spearheading an important sales promotion. And TODAY, you're presenting your ideas to your tough-as-nails CEO.
You know your boss is a no-nonsense guy who's not easily impressed. You also know that if you can communicate your ideas effectively to your boss, that can open more doors for you at the company especially if the sales promotion is a — CHA-CHING,your work or outside work interests! — success.
You have only has few moments to make an impact on your boss before he heads off to a jujitsu class and punishes an unsuspecting soul into submission. That means you have to come up with a phrase that instantly gets your message across.
Here are seven ways to accomplish your mission:
1. Ask yourself "What's the main point I want to make?"
Let's say you're trying to sell a copywriting program to people who don't know anything about the copywriting profession. You want to make the point that good marketing copy is vital to a company's success. So your slogan could be something like "Remember — when it comes to making sales Copy Is King!
2. K.I.S.S. (not the rock band)
The best slogans use five words or less. Think of "Arnold" saying "I'll be back!" or Dirty Harry saying "C'mon,1875 Ugg Sheepskin Cuff Short Sand Boots, make my day!"
In other words, K.I.S.S. — Keep It Simple, Stupid!
You might remember that when Bill Clinton campaigned against George Bush, he used a slogan that was roughly based on that K.I.S.S. acronym: I.T.E.S. — It's the Economy, Stupid! And if you were selling a marketing program, you might do something similar
"If you want to exponentially grow your company year and year out, if you want a fail-safe method to accomplish this you absolutely must adhere to the I.T.M.S principal — It's the Marketing, Stupid!"
3. Use rhythm.
"It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that swing."
Slogans with a musical rhythm to them are easier to grasp, remember, and internalize,or you have been doing nothing. "Something" is more likely to have results than "nothing. You know how easy it is to remember nursery rhymes — and how hard it is to get a favorite song out of your head. ("Everybody was kung-fu fighting!" Yes, I am aging myself now.) Same idea.
4. Create a slogan that fits your message — and only your message — like a glove.
Try not to use a slogan that's been done to death — even if it is perfect for your message. Giving a speech on how to improve self-confidence in the competitive business world? How about "First Believe Then Achieve"? Giving a speech on nutrition? How about "Look Before You Eat!"?
5. Play with words.
Reinforce your core message by expressing it in an unusual or fun way,"Renounce and rejoice." It doesn't get much simpler than that..
Words that begin and end with consonants, for example, seem to stick in the brain. One of my favorites: Wassssuuuuuuppp! Or Tony the Tiger's: "They're grrrrrrrrrrrrreat!"
Giving a speech on leadership to your local Chamber of Commerce? Try repetition: Be Accountable Be Straightforward Be Consistent!
Presenting a new dog re-training manual to the head of a pet store franchise? Try a branding line that brings a smile to his lips: Give Your Dog a Whole New Leash on Life!
Speaking of humor for some reason, "k" sounds and "p" sounds are funny. "Ketchup" and "cantaloupe" are funny words. And God bless you if you can somehow incorporate them into your slogan.
6. Tell em what you want em to do.
Your speech should inspire BUT also have a call to action. You want to motivate your audience to take the action that will give them the results you're talking about. So if you can, try incorporating a call to action in your slogan. Nike's "Just Do It" is a great example.
Brainstorm with verbs like "seize," "capture," "conquer," and "grasp" to come up with a slogan with a powerful call to action. (Now, YOU can Master the Art of Persuasive Public Speaking and Earn High Speaking Fees!)
7. Tell em once and tell em again.
You should incorporate your branding phrase about six times in a 60-minute presentation. Always begin with it — and definitely end with it.
Brand yourself, brand your message. Rinse and repeat for continued success.
Oh, and don't be surprised if, at the end of your presentation, when you're mingling with members of your audience, folks start approaching you, slapping you on the back, and repeating your phrase over and over again. That's when you'll know you've done your job!
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